The Dog Man And The Gypsy


On National Dog Day some of the Mystic Investigations team volunteered at the local dog shelter. While there our Demi-Mermaid Witch Rebecca Abernathy sensed one dog wasn’t quite right. Her Zoopathic animal communication powers told her a Black Labrador Retriever had a human mind! Our Psychic Julia Hathaway walked in and said the same thing! They communicated with the man dog and he telepathically said a Gypsy turned him into a dog after he accidentally hit her dog with a car. They kidnapped him right out of the vehicle and held him for a week until their transmutation ritual was complete. Indeed this was the man reported missing a week ago. His name is Pepe Hernandez.

We officially adopted the dog and brought him to Rebecca’s witches lair in the sub-basement of Mystic Investigations headquarters. In concert with our Cryptozoologist Dr. Ashley Abercrombie we attempted to return Pepe to human form. Things might have been a lot easier if his consciousness was simply transferred to a dog and his body was still intact. Unfortunately, it was a complete transformation that requires deeply dark powerful magic of a complicated sort. It was also intertwined with a curse making things even worse. Rebecca simply couldn’t reverse the curse-ridden spell! Dr. Abercrombie looked into using an experimental shape-shifting formula but we risked turning the man into a pile of biological goo!

We visited the Gypsy at her local encampment on the edge of the Enchanted Woodland. Her name was Vadoma and she was the leader of the gypsies who had only arrived in town three weeks ago. We respectfully reasoned with her to change Pepe back. I also asked why she didn’t bring the dog back to life if she had such power. She angrily refused to turn the man back and then admitted she did resurrect the dog! Vadoma stubbornly exclaimed,”Nobody screws with the Gypsies! He shall remain a canine for the remainder of his dog life!” Clearly, that would be less than a decade!

Rebecca started to get mad! I could see her enchanted eyes beginning to glow green with powerful witchcraft magic. However, I knew messing with Gypsies, in general, was a really bad idea and these particular ones seemed to have immense power! I calmed her down and we left empty handed. While the rest of the team walked away I apologized to the Gypsy for agitating her as I wasn’t interested in her cursing us! I implored her one last time to perhaps change Pepe back in a year or two. She roared,”No! He made my precious dog Timbo suffer! Mr.Hernandez will die like the dog that he is!” I lowered my head in silent respect as I bid her farewell. Now the man-dog named Pepe is our new watchdog until we can cure him! Hopefully, these Gypsies won’t cause any more trouble or we will be forced to deal with them the hard way!

#NationalDogDay

The Haunted Lighthouse

In celebration of National Lighthouse Day on August 7th, I decided to take my employees on a field trip to Woodland Springs, Colorado’s only lighthouse on Luminary Lake. The paranormal lake is full of supernatural life and is known to suddenly develop huge waves and thick mysterious fog. In the early days of our town a lot of people went missing in the lake so they built the lighthouse. However, it’s rumored a Curse was placed upon it by a local dark witch after a lighthouse keeper thwarted her effort to sacrifice several local kids to the demon she worshiped. The curse came into play once the lighthouse keeper was eradicated by her malevolent minions. Thankfully a Witch Slayer came to town and took her out as well with extreme prejudice!

Unfortunately, all lighthouse keepers after that died of mysterious causes and then proceeded to haunt the place. Various attempts to exorcise them into the afterlife failed as it seems the curse traps their souls there for all eternity! Mystic Investigations attempted to do so a number of times but the curse is mega powerful! In general, Curses placed by magical practitioner are incredibly hard to break! The lighthouse closed some years ago with the advent of cell phones, GPS tracking, and meticulous patrol of the lake by the local Sheriffs department as they have training in the supernatural world. We’re friends with the Sheriff Blake Maverick so he let us into the lighthouse that still mysteriously lights up at night even though nobody is there!

Many of our employees are simply office support staff and don’t really believe in the world of the paranormal. Even when some have witnessed some perplexing things they dismiss it as something else because their sub-conscious mind won’t let them entertain the terror of our real world! This is the way it is for a lot of people and many of our employees think the paranormal investigations is just a marketing thing to get customers for standard investigations. So quite a few employees were giggling and making joking ghostly noises to mask their underlying fear that the place really was haunted.

Certainly, they weren’t taking our Psychic Julia Hathaway seriously when she said there were several ghosts present. She could even feel the dark specter of the wicked witch amid the curse. Something not felt this strong on our previous research visits. Julia and our Ghost Hunter Rob Edmunds suspected the witch had recently been released from hell on a mission to create a powerful poltergeist from the lost human souls in the lighthouse along with the dark energy of the curse. This was probably not technically turning the curse into an entity all its own so there would be no Heavenly intervention as stated in the Supernatural Secrecy Pact.

There was an element of real danger here as opposed to the simple harmless ghosts we expected to find. However, as it was broad daylight and not between the Witching and Devil’s hours we felt the employees would be relatively safe. As we walked into various rooms the temperature dropped as an unholy howling echoed through the air. It got so cold that we could see our breath! A sickening stink of sulfur wafted about amid lights flickering. We decided it was time to leave as everyone was shivering along with one employee puking due to the wretched stinks!

All the exits were inexplicably sealed shut. The Sheriff was still with us and he drew his gun to blast out the largest window but the bullet bounced off. Thankfully he ordered everyone in another room so it simply embedded in a wooden wall rather than accidentally striking someone. He tried a few more time with no results. Our resident vampire Drake Alexander was the strongest among us and he attempted to punch the window with brute 5th generation vampire strength. The glass actually cracked but instantly repaired itself while a sinister cackling came from nowhere and everywhere all at once. Some of the employees were crying while another screamed,”What is going on here?!”

Things didn’t get any better as several horrifying specters flew about us making menacing gestures. One employee was huddled in a corner whispering,”It’s all holograms and special effects. They’re just trying to scare us! It’s not real!” Rebecca Abernathy our resident witch let loose her natural born witchcraft power of the Mystic Sphere. A translucent pink metaphysical energy bubble that extends around her like a super shield. The employees not in the true supernatural know looked on in amazement while she tried crashing it through the window and walls! The window shattered but then rebuilt itself in an instant!

Suddenly the sunny day outside turned pitch black while the lights went out. Thank God Rebecca’s Mystic Sphere kept a pink light glowing! Most of the employees were in a panic trying to find a way out as I attempted to calm everyone down. I told them it was a high tech Halloween haunted house with some malfunctions that we’re trying to work out. Sheriff Maverick nervously nodded in agreement. Rebecca said we were looking right into five-dimensional hyper-space as the entire lighthouse phased between Universes under immense paranormal power! Julia said she felt the birth of a powerful Poltergeist! Apparently, the fear of so many people in the lighthouse was the final catalyst needed for the poltergeist to form. It was a terrifying entity made up of lost souls forcibly wrapped in evil energies under the mental control of a dead wicked witch! We needed to get out of the lighthouse before we all died!

We had the Sheriff keep watch on the civilians with his flashlight in hand as the rest of our team headed up the steps to the beacon of the lighthouse itself. As we got closer it was glowing an eerie crimson color. Julia, Rebecca, and Drake could feel the strong unholy presence in the lightroom. Suddenly the ice cold air turned seriously hot as the entity stopped sucking thermal energy and instead was bursting it forth in defiance. Rebecca powered forth her Mystic Sphere to absorb the heat. She expanded it to encapsulate the entire room in an attempt to capture the poltergeist. She recited a powerful witchcraft spell that included utilizing Drakes unique vampire blood. Ghostbuster Rob began setting up quantum disruption devices around the lighthouse. It causes supernatural unsettling at the level of reality where energy meets matter. This is where otherworldly entities interact with our world. This disruption would force all aspects of the poltergeist into the lightroom.

The poltergeist began shooting objects at us but Drake and Zack Powers our bionic boy wonder caught them all at super speed! The witch who was the brains of the blasphemous beast screamed obscenities at us and promised our long agonized death at her hands! The entire lighthouse began to shake as Rob set off the disruption devices and Rebecca bellowed forth serious incantations. We were holding on to things as it seemed like a violent earthquake was taking place. People were ducking down because objects not bolted down were flying all over the place. Flashes of light began bursting outside the windows in the pitch black darkness. We could see glimmers of the physical world returning as a sickening looking specter became trapped in Rebecca’s supernatural sphere. It took a hideous female form and angrily yelled,”Damn you all to hell!” Rebecca replied,”No you’re going to hell old hag!”

Rebecca began compressing the sphere into a smaller form forcing the metaphysical energy out of the poltergeist. It was almost like juicing the entity as if it was a fruit! As the sphere disappeared we could hear the witch scream,”Noooooooooooo!” She was separated from the now destroyed poltergeist and destined for hell or at the least the Underworld. All the lighthouse ghosts were freed from their forced damnation at the hands of the wicked witch. A few of the ghosts were able to overcome the Curse and finally crossed over into the light that leads Heaven. This was due to them surfing the released metaphysical energy from the poltergeist-like a wave to freedom on Heaven’s sandy shores. Only Drake, Rebecca, and Julia actually saw or felt it take place. Unfortunately, the curse could not be broken! We will continue to figure out how to break it so the lost souls within can finally find peace!

All the chaos stopped and we could see the sunny shores of Luminary Lake outside the window again. The doors opened and everyone ran out to breath a sigh of relief and inhale the fresh summer air. A few of the employees who were non-believers finally accepted the world of the supernatural was real but couldn’t handle it. The rest refused to accept this was real and their sub-conscious conflict traumatized them. Drake, Rebecca, and Julia worked to hypnotize everyone to remember a duller version that was explained as a Halloween haunted house experiment. Hopefully, they wouldn’t have too many nightmares in the following weeks.

The Sheriff locked up the lighthouse but not before Rebecca placed a powerful protection spell upon it ensuring nobody would utilize it for malevolent means! I gave the employees the rest of the day off while us Executives kept working onward in the quest to eradicate supernatural evil from the world! No more field trips on National Light House Day ever again! Lesson Learned!

By Xavier Remington, Mystic Investigations President

#NationalLighthouseDay

National Roller Coaster Day Adventure

Xavier Remington, Mystic Investigations President Here! The employees have been trying to get me to acknowledge National Roller Coaster Day since I have a thing for most holidays including the extremely minor ones. I finally caved in and decided to take everyone to the amusement park for an extended lunch. However, they had to ride the scariest Roller Coaster the minute they got there without barfing or they’d have to return to work. Some declined to go at all due to not liking such rides. A few took up an offer from our Executive Vice-President Drake Alexander who is a vampire. He promised to compel or hypnotize them into not being afraid anymore. A few took him up on the offer. He would be staying behind due to sunlight issues that make him burst into unholy flames.

Lunchtime At The Amusement Park

Once at the park we had four barfers and one Super Puker! Back they went to the office while the rest of us made the most of the amusement park. The Super Puker was a pompous guy bragging about how he loved roller coasters and could ride anyone without issue. Naturally, Senior Vice-President, Demi-Mermaid, and resident witch Rebecca Abernathy magically sped up the ride by 3 times causing him to spew chunks and hold his head down in embarrassing shame. She made sure he was the only employee to be on the coaster. Of course, that didn’t help the other park goers who were with him on it! LOL!

I did some bragging of my own as I promised to win the fair Rebecca a gargantuan stuffed dolphin doll by hitting the bell at the top of the High Striker. A classic test of strength created by hitting a pad at the bottom of a tall column with a huge mallet in order to force a small puck to the bell. I was aware that most of these prize-winning contests are rigged and I couldn’t ask Rebecca to use her magic for personal gain. So I mustered up all my strength to hit the pad squarely on center for the best chance of winning. I had three tries. The first attempt was a test to gauge the device. It got over half way up. The next try almost reached the top. On the third try, I made the bell ring after screaming out a personal motivational quote….”By The Power Of Grayskull!” There was awkward silence for a moment before the crowd gathered around started laughing and clapping as I presented the dolphin to Rebecca.

The Disgruntled Demi-Sasquatch

As I soaked up the adulation our telekinetic psychic Julia Hathaway sensed some tension nearby. A little girl had a scowl on her face as she exclaimed,”Daddy that was supposed to be my dolphin!” Next to her was a huge muscular man that was at least 7 feet tall with excessive body hair! He angrily muttered,”Oh it will be yours, baby! That son of a bitch won’t get away with stealing your precious dolphin!” Rebecca and I walked to the fresh lemonade stand when Julia screamed,”Look out!” The man took a swing at me but missed. The little girl forcibly ripped the dolphin doll out of Rebecca’s arms and ran away into the crowd. She ran after her while a little Elf wearing a Hawaiian shirt, red shorts, and sunglasses whispered into a green Christmas tree walkie talkie saying,”We got a Naughty Lister Santa.” A voice on the other end acknowledged,”10-4″

I dealt with the rage-filled giant. Julia yelled again,”Be careful Xavier he’s a Sasquatch-Human hybrid!” The man turned toward her puzzled she’d even know that. Of course, I took that opportunity to leap into the air and belt him in the face! He roared in anger while I gripped my hand in pain. His jaw was like iron! He began swinging at me wildly with a crazed look in his Bigfoot eyes! He bellowed,”That was my baby’s dolphin you bastard!” Clearly, he was drunk or deranged! I utilized my Kung Fu and Ninjitsu skills to the fullest but this nut seemed invincible! Thankfully I was far quicker than this giant oaf and was able to evade his blasphemous blows! A crowd quickly gathered around the spectacle. Julia attempted to use her telekinetic powers against him but as a Demi-Sasquatch he had a fair amount of immunity against various powers and all magic as well. Bionic boy wonder Zack Powers and his bionic girlfriend Summer Eden ran up to take him on. I took that opportunity to order a refreshing ice cold lemonade as I got a much-deserved rest on a park bench to watch the show. The dynamic cyborg duo actually caused some pain in the hairy horror. He stumbled a bit throughout their attack but he finally tossed both of them into the bumper boat pool nearby!

Meanwhile, Rebecca raced past the thieving child at super mermaid speed and stopped right in front of her. The child of not more than seven years old was startled before displaying a sinister scowl and screamed,”It’s my dolphin bitch!” She punched Rebecca in the gut along with a swift kick to her leg with little result. The force of the punch and kick indicated the child was at least 1/4 Bigfoot. Rebecca sternly told the girl,”That’s my dolphin fair and square! Your daddy needs to teach you not to steal things from other people!” The girl replied,”My daddy says we can take anything we want from this world! The Sasquatch are the rightful heirs!” Suddenly the dolphin flew out of her hands into Julia’s via telekinesis. Rebecca then picked up the struggling girl to return her to her crazy daddy.

I finished my refreshing lemonade just as Bigfoot boy came at me again. He broke the park bench in two as I leaped away from it! So it was round two with this guy on this hot sunny day. We went at it for a minute until he stopped as he saw Rebecca holding his daughter. He yelled,”Hey put her down!” Rebecca did and she ran to her dad and said,”Daddy beat them all up and give me my dolphin!” The man looked around dazed as he saw everyone in the stunned crowd holding out their smartphone cameras. At that point, a Bigfoot roar came from the woods nearby. The man looked scared as the girl exclaimed,”It’s grandpa! He’s angry! We have to go now!” The girl had a temper tantrum and screamed,”My dolphin daddy!” He picked her up and ran into the woods in a flash. I’d imagine the Sasquatch people didn’t want such exposure. Especially over such doll based idiocy! The little Elf mentioned previously held up a device that made an odd whining noise. At some point, everyone found out their video footage of the fight was distorted beyond recognition. The Elf was simply enforcing the Supernatural Secrecy Pact.

Rebecca and I got some ice cream before leaving with her dolphin doll. Thankfully nobody was hurt except for the park bench. It will be a National Roller Coaster Day we’ll never forget! Hopefully, we never hear from the Demi-Bigfoot and his dolphin obsessed daughter ever again! If so then we should introduce him to another fellow Human-Sasquatch Hybrid we know. Mr. Altec who is the bouncer at our local supernatural hangout known as Club 13.

Get Your Own Giant Dolphin Doll!