The Valentines Plague Doctor

I, Mystic Investigations President Xavier Remington, led a paranormal team to investigate the Adirondack Abomination in upstate New York. Ultimately we were unable to capture the creature but we did collect a lot of interesting data. The rest of the team, led by Executive Vice-President Drake Alexander, headed to New York City on Valentines Day 2018. They came across the Plague Doctor, Typhoid Mary, and some of his legion of Oath Breakers who are all apart of the greater Plague Doctor Cult! We had originally got wind of something big going down there for the Valentines season but the final intelligence only came to us at the last second! These sick plague loving puppies employed an armada of street walkers to purposely spread new strains of STD’s among the unsuspecting populace. Strains specially created by the Plague Doctor himself. Naturally, these women of the night were charging fees far below that of the average prostitute in order to lure weak-willed men, and even women, into their wanton web of despicable diseases!

Our resident demi-mermaid witch Rebecca Abernathy, telekinetic psychic Julia Hathaway, and demi-zombie Cryptozoologist Ashley Abercrombie posed as prospective street walkers. Rebecca had everyone, including herself, disguised with a magical Glamour spell to alter their appearances. Otherwise, odds are good they would be recognized as members of Mystic Investigations since we are an international supernatural crime-fighting firm! We had learned about a recruitment station in an abandoned wharf side warehouse that would be taking place at Midnight. I swear this sinister stuff always goes down in abandoned warehouses between the Witching Hour and dawn! There our ladies came across the deceptively lovely Typhoid Mary. An asymptomatic carrier of a plethora of diseases including her infamous Typhoid. This meant she could spread disease yet not display any symptoms herself. She wore a surgical mask and kept her distance from everyone as she wished not to infect the participants with various diseases. Thankfully, Rebecca could not catch anything courtesy of her mermaid side. Ashley was half zombie and therefore half dead so it was not a worry for her. On the other hand, Julia was only human so she had to tread carefully.

Ultimately, everyone was selected on the condition they get it on with the Plague Doctor, also known as Dr. Darius Maximilian and Dr. Darius Death. He’s an asymptomatic carrier of every disease known and not known to humankind! Some say he even infected himself with the zombie virus yet remain unaffected! He is the ultimate Patient Zero of everything! This denizen of diseased darkness also has supernatural Disease Manipulation abilities. He can actually decide what disease he will give someone and doesn’t have to always wear his infamous bird’s beak mask. He certainly had it off for what he called “Ritualistic Entry Into His Cult”. That being sex with all the women in the room to spread his sickening STD strains so that they may, in turn, give them to the general populace as a Valentines Day gift. Naturally, he promises magical countermeasures to ensure they don’t suffer the symptoms. However, eventually they do and he could care less if they die once they’ve served their usefulness! He considers the average person a so-called “Useful Idiot”.

Rebecca wanted to put a stop to this so she stripped naked to get the Doctors attention! Indeed he wanted her to be first. LOL! Being a Mermaid-Human Hybrid she was the hottest chick in the room with or without a Glamoured facade. The Doctor made a beeline for her while wearing nothing but a pair of boxers with black crows on them. It would have been a joke if it wasn’t a very real dangerous situation. Rebecca embraced him and then screamed,”Mystic Sphere!” This activated a pink translucent astral energy sphere around her and the Doctor. As she yelled,”movere deinceps!” they shot through the concrete wall sending chunks of stone everywhere!  Typhoid Mary yelled,”Noooooo! Darius!” She ran after him while motioning to some minions near the exits to follow her. The prospective women just stood there with shocked looks on their faces. Ashley and Julia bellowed for the ladies to leave as they were in grave danger. Indeed they ran for the doors. Ashley tapped into her zombie side while Julia summoned up her telekinetic powers to deal with the Plague Doctors minions!

Meanwhile, near the water’s edge Rebecca purposely crashed the Plague Doctor into a huge metal bollard meant for tying up a giant freighter. Her bubble burst and she flew into the ice cold bay. He was dazed as he got to his knees. At that moment our very own Drake Alexander, vampire extraordinaire, bit into his neck with a bellowing roar. His enraged eyes glowing crimson over this despicable servant of darkness. Drake had hoped to weaken him and even acquire his paranormal powers temporarily through his blood. Something vampires can do with most supernatural beings. However, upon ingesting his beyond vile tasting blood laden with toxic disease he knew it was a mistake! Drake fell to the ground literally sick to his stomach as the brownish red sludge the Plague menace calls blood oozed down his chin.

The Doctor Of Death rose forth holding Drake’s neck and lifting him into the air with super strength! All the while cackling like a wacko! He glared at Drake saying,”Oh filthy vampire did you really think you were a match for me!? I’ve survived countless centuries and gone up against far greater than you! Still, this is fortuitous as I have a wonderful new disease brewing in me you might like a taste of. A virus I’m hoping will kill every one of you vexing vampire vermin! You have the honor of being my first test subject. Since you drank my blood the virus is in you as we speak. Unfortunately, the viral strain is stubbornly dormant so I need to give it a little kick to let loose its living hell upon your blood sucking DNA!” He grabbed the weakened Drake and pulled his head downward while displaying a sinister smile. The Plague Doctor’s eyes glowed a toxic brown hue as he was about to literally plant the kiss of death upon Drake.

Thankfully, a now clothed and De-Glamoured Rebecca fired forth a volley of mini Mystic Spheres or metaphysical energy balls. The Doctor cried out in pain and dropped Drake to the ground. The Plague Doctor then fell to the ground himself while screaming in agony as Rebecca began shooting lightning from her hands courtesy of her relationship with quite a few Lightning Goddesses. Rebecca’s eyes glowed green with the magic of witchcraft but began turning yellow as red illumination born of anger mixed in. She not only knew of the evil suffering this man had spread through the centuries but also sensed it within him as well. It was time for him to die in order to save countless future lives! She called upon all her magics and let the dark doctor have all of it with extreme prejudice! It seemed the living paranormal plague was about to expire when Typhoid Mary tackled Rebecca into the dark chilling waters of the wharf!

Back inside the warehouse, Ashley’s eyes turned zombie gray just short of silver as she attempted not to lose herself in mindless madness! She bit into some of the thugs with a low guttural sound vibrating forth. Julia telekinetically tossed crates and other large objects at the rest. One pulled out a gun and fired but she changed the route of the bullet to hit the wall instead of her! Julia had taken out her punks and had to pull Ashley off the last one as she began eating him alive! Ashley pushed her away with eyes now a reflective silver as flesh and blood dripped down her pale white chin. She growled as Julia reached her mind with empathic abilities to calm her down. Ashley snapped out of it and was human again! The dynamic duo ran outside to see where everyone else went.

Rebecca was quite drained due to all the power she mustered up and was having quite a time tussling with Typhoid Mary in the frigid water. Mary herself had enhanced strength like the Plague Doctor. This courtesy of the Gods that they worship. That being two of the Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse. Pestilence and Death! Rebecca was more agile in the water being half mermaid and eventually tapped into her hydrokinetic powers to shoot Mary back onto the dock in a torrent of water. Rebecca wriggled out of the water like an excited dolphin minus the tail. Her eyes illuminated sapphire with the heritage of Atlantis behind her. Ashley and Julia ran up stopping the Doctor from crawling away. Rebecca punched Mary in the jaw knocking her out cold! Drake rested against a bollard extremely ill from the poisonous blood. The weakened Plague menace sneered and angrily declared,”You have no idea who you’re dealing with! The wrath of Pestilence and Death will be brought down on you like a plague of rapid diseased locusts!”  Everyone shrugged and Rebecca smiled saying,”Sounds like fun plague boy!”

Rebecca wanted to kill the whole lot of Plague Cultist scum. Heck, quite a few of the minions were dead by Ashley’s zombified bite and Julia’s launching of heavy crates upside heads! Drake ordered them to take the Plague Doctor and Typhoid Mary into custody so we could turn them over to the great Sorcerer Ian McTavish. He owns a super maximum paranormal prison in addition to running his Magic School in Scotland. Rebecca reluctantly took out magically spelled shackles and placed them on the disgusting duo. Suddenly the already cloudy skies grew ominously thick with black fog swirling down onto the dock. Thunderous lightning crackled across the skies! The Plague Doctor snickered in triumph,”Ah yes fools I feel the presence of Death! Your time is up!” Indeed a skeletal specter wearing a black hooded robe and holding a large sharp scythe appeared! It was the ultimate Grim Reaper Death himself!

Death swung his scythe at Rebecca but Drake sprung forth and took the blow to his chest. It caused a gaping wound but didn’t kill him since he’s a vampire and technically dead. Rebecca shot Death with an enchanted energy volley but he absorbed it while letting loose a laugh so loud it caused immense pain in everyone’s ears and shattered all the windows in the warehouse. His spectral form became more solidified as he took complete physical form. Rebecca tried again but her magic was no match for this literal personification of death for the entire Omniverse! Nothing short of Omnimagic would possibly work against this terrifying titan! The Plague Doctor begged,”My deliciously dark Lord please accept everyone here except my dear Mary as sacrifices to you and your honorable comrade in arms Pestilence!” Death responded,”Yes my son I accept these sacrifices!” The Grimmest Of Reapers waved his hand and the shackles disintegrated from his and Mary’s wrists. They both sprung up re-energized and smirking in smug glee!

Death’s eyes amazingly glowed black! He then exclaimed,”And now you all shall die! The vampire and the zombie will be excised leaving only their humanity for my scythe of death to take! You will live within my dark void for all eternity!” He swung his implement of terror wildly but a thick thunderous beam of orange flames knocked his scythe from his hand. Everyone was shocked to see it was the Devil himself with his young son the Anti-Christ in tow. The boy appeared to be about 7 years old even though his birth in April 2015 would only make him 3. Death was a bit surprised but quickly recovered as his sharp implement flew back to his hand. He then angrily yelled,”Satan you really think you’re a match for me?” The Devil replied,”Perhaps not but with my son, my Archdemons, and the King Of Hell we might stand a chance!” The Super Sorcerer Dimitri Diablo stepped from a flaming portal with several Arch-Demons following him. It seems the war for power in Hell was over and Diablo entered into a truce with the Devil! Diablo’s magic was so amazing that he was able to oust the Devil from power even being only human! Both had their own demonic factions and Diablo accepted remaining King so as long as he accepted the Devil as Hell’s Emperor. The Devil would be busy with Armageddon War plans while Diablo managed Hell itself with the gift of additional Archdemon abilities.

Death inquired,”Why do you care what happens to these puny physical beings?” The Devil replied,”They’re destined to be major players in the apocalypse and I’m a stickler for prophecy!” Diablo added,”You’re also forbidden by God from being on Earth until your own prophesied Armageddon battles. I’d leave before Archangels get wind of your presence here!” Death laughed and replied,”Oh yes you boys love playing by the rules! As for you Diablo I will be reaping you very soon! Until we meet on the battlegrounds of the end times!” Death vanished into a black fog with the Doctor and Mary in his grip! After they were gone everyone stared in awkward silence.  Drake muttered,”I guess we should thank you…” The Devil interrupted,”Don’t think I haven’t forgotten your role in trapping me on Earth during the First Battle Of Armageddon! It may have turned out for the best in the end…” He turned to smile at his new partner Diablo who was now no longer the eternal loner. “…but I never forget a wrong against me! Mystic Investigations will ultimately die a horrendous death on my battlefield of brimstone and blood! Then I will drag your souls to Hell for all eternity!”

Drake, Rebecca, Julia, and Ashley looked on in silent shock as the skies abruptly cleared and rays of white light streamed down on everyone. The Devil then yelled,”Oh crap back to sweet Hell everyone!” The devilish gang re-entered the portal of Hell and disappeared. At that moment the white light vanished as well but not before healing Drake’s wound along with the sickness caused by the Plague Doctor’s nasty blood! Truly it was simultaneously the most terrifying and then the most peaceful experience ever! Rebecca said,”Darn I thought we were going to see some angels!” Drake replied,”Ah someday Rebecca! Someday! Let’s call the police to collect the thugs left alive in the warehouse. I’m sure the criminal scum have warrants for their arrests.” They all stopped at an all-night diner to eat before flying away in the Mysticopter hidden nearby. They picked the rest of our team up in the Adirondack Mountains and home to Woodland Springs, Colorado we flew!

Final Footnote: Drake Alexander has always been a free spirit who cares not for the Transylvanian vampire royals. However, he extended an olive branch and told them that The Plague Doctor may have a virus that kills vampires. Now all vampires have standing orders to kill Doctor Death on sight if they can! [Twitter]

The Kook And Zombie Attack!

Kook PatrolIt was about 2:15 PM Friday afternoon at Mystic Investigations headquarters as we went about our supernatural business. Everyone was looking forward to the fun filled weekend! Except those of us who choose to sacrifice our personal time to patrol the community, and rid it of any metaphysical menaces. Most of our executives were out on paranormal investigations including our most powerful team members that included a Demi-Mermaid Witch, a telekinetic psychic, a human form werewolf, and an Ex-Navy Seal. Our vampire Executive VP was working from home. All was quiet, the way I like it, when all the sudden a crazy chubby guy bursts into our sunny lobby. He was sweating profusely even though he was wearing a rather thin Batman t-shirt, and plaid shorts.  The weirdo was on his cell phone screaming about not wanting to be committed to the funny farm.  Our receptionist Barb Gerber was frozen in fear as he came flying at her with a wild look in his deranged eyes. He bellowed,”Somebody help me! They’re after me! I don’t want to go to the looney bin!”  He was so loud that most of us working upstairs heard the commotion.  As President of Mystic Investigations I immediately sprung into action, and bolted from my office to the 2nd floor balcony looking down into the lobby. The rest of the employees upstairs came running up behind me.

The kook was now frantically grabbing at Barb who pushed the panic alarm that proceeded to wail throughout our entire facility complete with flashing red light.  This also triggered sensitive areas to automatically be locked down. He whined loudly,”They’re going to put me in a straight jacket in the cuckoo house!  For the love of God please help me!” I don’t want to go to the rubber room!” He then screamed into the phone,”F*ck you bastards! I’ll die before I go to your hell hole!” He launched the phone at the wall, and it smashed into 1000 pieces as other employees on the first floor cautiously peered from two entrances into the lobby. I had seen enough of this insanity, and leaped over the balcony landing on my feet in the lobby as I have extensive training in Ninjutsu acrobatics!  I grabbed the bastards arm, and spun him around to give the old school Liam Neeson “Taken” style throat chop.  The chubby fool fell to the floor holding his throat now sobbing, and coughing profusely. I then calmly announced,”Okay folks everyone back to work! Nothing to see here! Everything is okay!”

Doctor Ashley Abercrombie, our Demi-Zombie Cryptozoologist, emerged from her basement laboratory after hearing the alarm.  She asked if everything was okay, and I pointed to the man lying on the floor still crying, and gagging.  I then said,”Yeah this nut burger needs a sedative or something!” I chuckled a bit as I spoke to the guy,”Hey pal just shake it off. It’s not that bad!” I exclaimed to Ashley,”I think he’s just over exaggerating! It was just a light tap to the throat area.”  She examined his neck, and was about to take a syringe from her lab jacket when four muscular men in white came in.  They looked like orderly’s from a mental institution.  The approached me, and said,”Ah there’s the bastard! He got away from us!” as they pointed to the wacko. They all smirked a bit, and flashed a paper while saying,”We got commitment orders for this guy. Looks like you saved us the trouble of sedating him.”  We all laughed lightly as Ashley stated,”I was just actually about to administer a sedative.”  The man in white asked,”Are you a Doctor?” Ashley stated she was licensed to practice medicine in Colorado so they allowed her to give the man a much needed sedative. He quickly calmed down, and was only lightly sobbing, and coughing every so often now. The man in white then said,”Okay we’ll take this loon off your hands. Do you need any statement for the police?” I replied,”Nah it’s not even worth the trouble to call them. Just give this poor bastard the help he so desperately needs” The man answered,”Oh we will Sir! Thanks for containing this menace to society!”  I responded,”Ah don’t mention it. The day was kind of boring until this happened.”

Two of the men grabbed the now calm mental patient by each arm as he shuffled barely able to walk under the influence of the sedative.  Ashley suddenly questioned them as they neared the front door, “Are you taking him to the Shadowbrook Institute?”  The man in white turned around smiling,”Yeah Miss! We’ll take good care of him there! Thanks for your help!” Ashley then forceful declared,”That’s odd since Shadowbrook closed three years ago!” I then yelled,”Hey wait a minute! Let me see those commitment papers again!”  All the men dashed for the door but I whipped out my remote security control to lock it.  Now trapped within they all turned around no longer smiling as one said,”Damn you just had to stick your nose where it didn’t belong!”  The chubby guy turned around crying while silently pleading,”Please help me.”

The head thug in white pulled out a handgun and fired point blank at me!  Ashley leaped in front of me taking the slug like a trooper.  Naturally she’s half zombie, and can’t be killed by a simple bullet. Just as she fell to the floor I speedily front hand sprung toward the gun totting bastard, and kicked the gun from his hand as I took on all four of the hefty men in white.  The chubby guy fell to the floor like a helpless slug while Ashley appeared dead. Soon she would self-resurrect as per the power of her unique stable zombie DNA.  A number of employees had fled the building upon hearing the alarm, and the rest who remained were just office workers with no fighting skill or supernatural field experience so I was on my own.  Barb the receptionist quickly dialed the police as I battled the rather large men utilizing not only my Ninjutsu skills but also my extensive Kung Fu skills. Humans can never learn enough martial arts when facing paranormal beings with superpowers on a weekly basis!

The other men attempted to pull out their guns but my lightning quick blows disarmed them with the guns kicked under furniture, and behind large potted plants in the warm sun drenched lobby.  Finally three of the men were on the ground attempting to recover from precision punches, and kicks but one snuck up behind me!  The bastard put me in a chokehold as he sarcastically whispered in my ear,”Don’t fight it jackass! Don’t fight it!” Another thug got up, and began belting me in the face, and stomach while laughing maniacally. Some of the employees attempted to help me but they were immediately swatted away by the other two who staggered up. Ashley sprung up from the floor right behind the man who had me in the chokehold. She bit a huge chunk of flesh out of his neck despite fighting the zombie urge to eat human flesh her entire life.  Blood spurted everywhere as the man screamed in terror now infected with the zombie virus!  I was nearly passed out and collapsed to the floor. The other three men just stood scared with looks of sheer horror on their faces.  Ashley’s eyes turned an ominous inhuman gray, almost silver, color that reflected the sunlight in an other worldly manner. She stood at the foot of the now fallen man in white, and blood stained clothing.  He gripped his neck making a gurgling sound as he coughed up blood.  Ashley menacingly walked slowly toward the terrified men, and one said,”She’s just a little crazy bitch! We can take her!”

One of the employees barfed at the sight of the bloody carnage as Ashley attacked the rest of the men in a zombie induced rampage. Her gutteral growling sent chills up everyone’s spines! Virtually everyone including Barb, the Receptionist, fled the building out the back screaming at the sight of a live horror movie taking place before their very eyes! The entire lobby was literally sprayed with nauseating blood to the point that the windows were now filtering sunlight in with a crimson tint!  The distinctive metallic scent of blood wafted through the air like a slaughterhouse! Ashley seriously lost control for the first time in her life.  Plausibly a combination of being shot, the danger & adrenaline rush of the situation, and a complete denial of her cannibalistic hunger!  I got to my feet, and ordered Ashley to stop but it was too late. All four men were dead, and she was about to go after the poor chubby guy lying in the corner! I yelled,”Ashley snap out of this zombie crap!” as I slapped her hard in the face! She growled, and lunged at me! I was shocked as she was always the most calm, and logical member of our supernatural crime fighting team. I had no wish to acquire the zombie virus so I fled the lobby, and used my remote to close the steel emergency containment doors trapping her within.  I had mere seconds before she reset her sights on the helpless chubby guy. I quickly entered a secret doorway behind the bookshelf leading to an extensive set of hidden corridors in our facility. I came out a secret door behind her, and pulled the chubster in with me.  She spun around, and ran toward us but the door was safely locked. I could hear her growling, and clawing at it like a wild maniac!

I immediately ordered the complete evacuation of the facility while calling the executives back to headquarters.  Unfortunately the Woodland Springs Police arrived just then, and I had no idea how I was going to explain my zombie situation along with a lobby full of slaughtered men! I called my friend Sheriff Blake Maverick who knew about the real world of the supernatural, and thankfully he declared jurisdiction over the police ordering them to leave. Our Senior Vice-President, and Demi-Mermaid Witch Rebecca Abernathy was the first to arrive flying down from the sky in her Mystic Sphere energy bubble.  She landed discretely in the back of our facility within the woods.  She came running up through the shocked employees milling around out back unsure what to do next. Once inside I apprised Rebecca of the situation, and she immediately mixed up a potion of Stinking Nightshade, and Purple Passion. Both are known zombie repellants that should theoretically return Ashley to her right mind. In essence repelling her zombie half so her human half could take control again.  From the balcony above Rebecca launched a large balloon filled with the stuff down to the lobby below as Ashley looked up at us snarling at us while sending shivers throughout our body with her dead cold eyes! The balloon burst near her, and the entire area smelled like hell itself!

Ashley passed out for a minute or so before awakening now alarmingly aware at what she’d done. She started crying,”Oh my God what have I done?”  I lifted the security doors, and we entered the blood stained lobby. I reassured Ashley these men were evil murderers, and it was self-defense.  Rebecca took her home to watch over her the next few days after this unfortunate zombie episode. I also sent everyone home for the day, and told them this was just a drill. Nothing had actually happened. It was all a special effects act to see how they’d react to a horrifying incident. Most of them seemed to buy it as they usually did.  Especially when the Sheriff reassured them my story was true.  I kept the chubby guy sedated in our secret panic room until we were ready to deal with him, and figure out what was going on here.

zombieaccidentFirstly we had to clean up mess in the lobby. I called in our team of Supernatural Crime Scene Cleaning Specialists to dispose of the zombie virus infected corpses, and wipe down the bloody lobby. A complete metaphysical deodorization to eradicate the wretched stink of the zombie repellent potion! Their efficient work returned things to normal by the end of the business day. Meanwhile in the employee lounge I sighed as I crossed out the 3 on the laminated safety poster, and wrote 0.  “0 Days Without A Lost Time Accident. The Previous Record Was 7 Days!” Ah yes the hazards of working at a top flight supernatural investigative crime fighting firm!

Our executive team fed the chubby guy, and gave him a fresh set of clothes. He informed us that his name was Fred Jacobson. I remorsefully apologized to Fred for throat chopping him.  A now calm, and rational Fred said he understood it had to be done. We quickly ran a background check, and interviewed him along with searching the white van the four thugs had pulled up in. Our Psychic Julia Hathaway also read Fred’s mind as well. Once our Executive VP the Vampire Drake Alexander arrived the final piece of the puzzle came together as he detected a very distinctive aroma in Fred’s blood. What we discovered was a sinister plot to harvest Fred’s unique blood since it seems that this nutty overweight guy was in fact unknowingly an Immortal.  The type of human Immortal born by evolutionary fluke every so often as is the case with the most famous of his kind. The actor Keanu Reeves who we personally know. It seems Fred’s blood test at the local blood bank set off secret spyware in the computer system which then sent an automated message to a powerful vampire in Colorado Springs. Vampires relish in certain supernatural bloods. Especially human Immortals!  The four thugs were the associates of the notoriously murderous Vampire Cortez!

Continued In Part 2: The Vampire Cortez!

The Terrenceville Terrors

Ghostly TownSomewhere in Southwest Colorado lies the forgotten ghost town of Terrenceville where a nearby Insane Asylum was de-funded by the State Government in 1903. Asylum Director Shawn Adams let loose all the kooks rather than cooperating with a procedural transfer to another facility. It was an act of revenge for the loss of his prestigious job.  Most of the patients went missing, and were never seen again!  Out of embarrassment the State deep-sixed the entire debacle, and covered up the interesting incident which was easy enough before the advent of modern mass media.  It was rumored the patient’s hid among the abandoned buildings of Terrenceville, and inbred with each other along with tourists they kidnapped.  Over the past century various people have claimed missing tourists, and local residents ended up the victims of the mentally ill ghost town populace. Inspection of the town by various law enforcement agencies yielded no sign of any so called residents. So the Terrenceville terrors were always touted as an urban legend.  Mainly by high school, and college students looking to frighten each other. In some cases merchants in nearby communities bolstered the story of the loony bin town to increase tourism.  Now the tales of terror this town has inspired have finally been confirmed as true by us here at Mystic Investigations!

Some of the Mystic Investigations Team barreled down the dusty highway at high noon in the Mystic RV heading back to Woodland Springs, Colorado from a supernatural symposium in Farmington, New Mexico.  It had been a productive two day meeting of paranormal professionals from around the Southwest United States. At the wheel was Mystic Investigations President Xavier Remington. That would indeed be me! Research Assistant, and Werewolf Seth Morgan came up with the brilliant idea to take a shortcut through Terrenceville for a brief impromptu investigation of our own.  Unfortunately none of us had ever heard the urban legend when I said why not, and maneuvered down the tumbleweed ridden dirt road.  We were all eager to get home for Memorial Day Weekend but our curiosity got the better of us!  As we spotted the ghost town ahead both front tires blew loudly, and I hit the brakes.  The RV skidded further, and then the back tires blew as well! Upon inspection we discovered rusty old railroad spikes semi-buried in the dirt road.  We only had one spare tire, and as usual those pesky cell phones can’t get any signal when you really need them the most.  So we decided to wait until our Executive-Vice President Drake Alexander woke up from under the hidden compartment in the floor safely away from the sunlight.  Once a vampire is in a deep sleep he’s impossible to wake-up!  Especially if he’s in the Astral Dream Plane visiting with other vampire spirits from around the world.  We did try to shake him awake but it was no use. The intent was to have him run at super vampire speed to the nearest town, and get a tow truck. Or possibly hoist the whole RV on his back with us inside, and then carry it to town. However that was probably somewhat outside his strength range as a 5th generation vampire.  Certainly his vampire mother Duanna Sargon, a 4th generation vampire, could have accomplished it!

On this trip it was just me, Drake, Seth, our Cryptozoologist, and Demi-Zombie Doctor Ashley Abercrombie (Seth’s Girlfriend), Investigator Elizabeth Weatherly, and Ghost Buster Rob Edmunds.  Back at Mystic Investigations Headquarters Senior Vice-President & Demi-Mermaid Witch Rebecca Abernathy was left in command.  It was 8 AM so we had a good amount of time to kill before sunset.  We scattered to explore the abandoned community that sprung up during the 1800’s as a mining town as evidenced by the nearby rusty railroad tracks presumably leading to an old mine.  Only Seth, and Ashley stayed together while the rest of us went off alone. Elizabeth Weatherly was a British stowaway on the infamous sinking 1912 Titanic when my time traveling brother Michael Remington brought her to the future.  She had read about the old west, and hoped to see it along with the rest of the United States when she was on her way here aboard the ill fated Titanic.  She entered a Curio Shop, and was surprised to find a few antiques still lying around.  It was odd nobody had stolen them all these years, and they were without dust as if just placed there.

She opened a music box that played a most macabre sounding tune.  Suddenly she heard the floor creak. She turned around to see what appeared to be a disfigured looking teenager with one eye far larger than the other.  Elizabeth shrieked, and ran out of the shop only to see an otherwise beautiful looking young woman with a full on beard skipping, and dancing toward her in a disturbing manner while holding her long skirt.  She was singing a song about slicing people up while displaying a sinister smile.  Elizabeth screamed,”Help!”, and was about to run down the main street when a big brute carrying a bloody ax came strolling across the street toward her.  She instead bolted in between the buildings frantically but was met by the disfigured boy, and an even more horrifying looking individual who resembled the Elephant Man.  Her howls for help fell silent as the bearded woman came up behind her, and placed her hand over Elizabeth’s mouth.  The bearded lady then whispered in her ear,”Be silent sweetheart or your friends will die long agonizing deaths. You’re a member of our family now!  Earl John seriously needs a wife.”  A somewhat less than savory looking man, yet not deformed, stepped up from behind Elephant boy, and said,”She’s mighty pretty! Oh might pretty indeed!”  The ax wielding behemoth named Jeb arrived next to the bearded woman, and said to her,”The future father of your unborn child must have heard the screams.  He’s running this way!”

Rob Edmunds ran into the alley between the wood buildings but found nobody. However he noticed the dirt freshly scuffed about indicating someone had been there recently.  He spun around to find the motley crew of societal rejects.  Rob was then instantly met with the butt of an axe to the face courtesy of the the muscular 7 foot tall Jeb!   Out cold he eventually awoke in a dark room with mouth gagged, and hands tied to a squeaky old bed.  The bearded lady named Shelly Ann tending to his head wound.  She silently reassured him,”Shhhhh honey we’re together now.  If you treat me right I might shave my beard off for the honeymoon.”  Rob lie there thinking,”Oh God please shave that thing off if I have to go through with this!” LOL!

I was in the saloon looking around imagining a piano playing, card games taking place Old West Saloonamong cowboys, and gunfights being instigated.  I did think it was interesting that the place looked rather clean when there was an open door letting dust blow in. A small tumbleweed even blew in while I was there.  I was looking into the shattered mirror in back of the bar when I saw the axe wielding giant Jeb behind me.  I said,”Well hello there big fella?  Are you with the Welcome Wagon?”  He ran at me roaring ready to ax me good but I thew two Ninja stars at him rapid fire. One hit his hand causing the axe to fall to the floor.  He fell to his knees, and I roundhouse kicked him in the face causing him to fall backward. I hopped over his hulking form, and ran on to Main Street.  Before I knew it a swarm of freaks came out of various buildings holding large sticks, and sharp implements. One even had a pitchfork!  I then declared,”I never felt so welcome in a town before. The love I’m feeling right now is really heartwarming guys.  Seriously I’m feeling a special connection here!”  Yes in dangerous situations I often act like a smart ass. It’s a defense mechanism. LOL!  They ran at me screaming with crazed looks in their deranged eyes!  I then utilized my special martial arts mix of Kung Fu, and Ninjutsu to let loose my fists of fury, and crushing kicks amid my flying Ninja stars, and throwing knives.

As I fought the mob off I grabbed a broom handle from one of them, and began swinging it around wildly batting them away.  These wayward wackos were coming out of the woodwork in droves, and a whack to the back of the head brought my epic battle to an end!  I awoke on a wood floor with my head aching in what appeared to be a jail with one of my legs chained to the wall.  The sunlight filtered through the boarded up windows with the shadow of the axe loving jerk named Jeb sitting nearby.  Once he saw I was awake he walked over with a menacing look on his face, and said,”If you weren’t already promised to my sister Sue Ellen I’d rip your guts out, and feed them to my hogs!”  I replied,”Oh for joy! You’re the dream brother-in-law I always wanted you big bastard!”  He literally rattled my cage, and roared like an enraged gorilla while unlocking the jail cell. I got up, and he punched me in the gut causing me double over back onto the floor. I then muttered,”May I have another sir?” He then kicked me in the stomach, and I barely replied,”Awwww God thank you! I loooooove it!”  He let out a guttural roar again before locking the cell, and stomping out of the building slamming the door behind him.  I sat on floor allowing my head wound to rapidly heal as all my injuries inexplicably seemed to do since I was a child. This despite the fact that our Cryptozoologist Ashley Abercrombie certified I wasn’t supernatural in any way.  Once I was back to full fighting ability I planned to escape, and save my team members.

Seth, and Ashley went to the outskirts of the town following the railroad tracks as they indulged in their romance holding hands in the desert like wild west outdoors.  They entered a dark mine shaft as Seth joked,”Let’s see if we can find some gold to make a ring for you!”  They giggled amid the darkness that they could see in since Seth had enhanced Werewolf eyesight, and Ashley had a more limited ability with her Demi-Zombie vision.  Seth was by no means in control of his Lycanthrope transformations, and was beholden to the Full Moon.  However in human form he did have enhanced strength, speed, agility, and senses.  Still nowhere near that of our 5th generation vampire associate Drake Alexander who still lie asleep under the floors of the Mystic RV in a sealed special tank to prevent him from burning to flames in the light of the holy sun!

Meanwhile a group of nutty Terrenceville citizens entered our RV scavenging it for supplies.  A man named Thomas Allen, the Mayor, and leader of the morons, said,”After you pick this bastard clean get the tractor, and pull this thing out by the barn.  I think it’s high time I had a proper Mayor’s office!”  Drake Alexander deep in vampire sleep was in the astral plane visiting various vampire blood relations including his vampire Mother Duanna Sargon who was currently sleeping in a New York City penthouse. He was unaware of the nefarious happenings going on above him nor in the ghost town around him.

Seth, and Ashley found an ore cart on some tracks.  Seth said,”Hey let’s ride this thing!Abandoned Mineshaft Looks like fun!” Ashley replied,”Why not!”  He shoved it off with them inside, and further down the sloping mine shaft they went. They pulled out their trusty LED pen flashlights as every remnant of daylight disappeared  At the end of the line they climbed out, and headed down a side tunnel because they both smelled something peculiar. The tunnel opened up into a larger cavern. There they witnessed the horrific sight of over a century’s worth of rotting beheaded corpses, and skeletons riddled about the cave.  Seth commented,”Man this is jacked up in a major way!”  They decided to head back, and tell the others about what they found.  Unfortunately they didn’t get far as bright lights were switched on, and a group of loony locals were blocking the way out with sinister smiles on their sick faces!

An old woman wearing creepy mime make-up said,”You really shouldn’t have come down here.  We can’t really let you leave now.  By the way how on Earth could you see in here with those small flashlights?”  Seth replied,”Oh I’m a Werewolf, and my girlfriend here is a human-zombie hybrid.”  The old woman wasn’t amused while some laughed, and a few of the younger ones acted scared.  She turned to the frightened ones, and said,”Don’t fret! They’re just silly sacrifices for our Director Lord Savior The Shawn Adams.”  She pointed toward a side chamber as the pitch fork, and sharp stick wielding clan marched forward.  They all ended up in a room with some despicable looking religious altar that had the well preserved body of a man in a black business suit embalmed inside a glass case filled wtih clear liquid.  The old woman continued,”He released our ancestors from the very bowels of hell itself!”  Ashley replied,”I bet you mean a mental institution don’t you?”  She saw some documents on the altar indicating who the man was. The old woman screeched,”Shut up, and be grateful for the privilege of being a sacrifice to The Shawn Adams!”  The normally well reserved, and respectful Dr. Abercrombie then replied,”I’m more grateful for having the privilege of punching you in the face!”  At that moment Ashley did just that, and Seth joined the fray in the chamber of horrors! Clearly the group was taken by surprise at the enhanced abilities of this unusual paranormal dynamic duo.  Seth heard more people coming down the mineshaft, and they both ran in order to prevent being trapped. On the way up they fought through more townsfolk.  Seth picking up a number of men, and tossing them aside.  The attackers looked shocked at how easily a small girl like Ashley could knock them to the ground.  Once out of the mine they fled the scene quickly!

Unfortunately the group in the Mystic RV managed to find the controls to open the hidden compartments including the weapons cache.  The Mayor now holding a machine gun along with the rest of his now well armed group cut Seth, and Ashley off at the pass.  The Mayor then coldly yelled,”Kill them now!”  Bullets flew everywhere riddling the bodies of both Seth, and Ashley before they could spring away.  Their lifeless bodies were then returned to the mine shaft altar for “proper sacrificing” as the Mayor put it.

Back in the jail I heard the mass gunfire, and picked the old lock on the rusty chain around my leg with a hidden tool I always carry with me.  I picked the cell door lock as well, and then easily kicked down the old wood door of the jailhouse along with beating the ever loving hell out of guy standing guard!  I ran in the direction of the gunfire to witness Ashley, and Seth being dragged away leaving a trail of blood behind.  Although I wasn’t particularly alarmed as I was rather sure they were still alive. You can’t kill a Werewolf nor a half-zombie with mere bullets! There was however a part of me that wondered if any of them shot the one gun that was loaded with silver bullets!  If that was the case then Seth was a goner for sure. Thankfully Ashley would not be affected since silver doesn’t hurt zombies. I lurked back to the RV to see them removing the metal casket with Drake sleeping inside.  They opened it as the Mayor tested for a pulse, and breathing yet found none.  Luckily it was under the shade of a large tree otherwise his body would have began smoking, and eventually catching fire in the light of the holy sun. He then said to one of his cohorts,”Maybe these folks are our kind of people driving around with a fresh corpse!  Take him to the sacrifice chamber.”  At the time I wasn’t worried because I had no idea that their method of sacrifice was beheading. A sure way to kill a vampire! I couldn’t worry about the supernatural members of my team now because I had to find the humans Rob, and Elizabeth. I promised my brother Michael I’d keep Elizabeth safe the last time I saw him before he left on his last trip through time never to be seen again.  At that moment Elizabeth was being forcibly bathed in a horse trough after having her clothes ripped clean off.  The bearded woman Shelly Ann whispered gently to her,”You’re going to love Earl John.  He’s such a big man if you know what I mean?”  She giggled as Elizabeth cringed at the thought.  A girl ran in, and happily exclaimed,”Hurry up, and get her dressed the Preacher is ready for the wedding!”  Shelly Ann, and two other women helped her out of the tub to dress Elizabeth in a dirty white wedding gown.  Shelly was excited,”After you get hitched it’s my turn with your friend Rob!  In fact I have to go get ready now.  You gals tend to her, and make sure she gets to the church!”  I saw the bearded woman run off as I sneaked up on the building.  Sure enough there was Elizabeth standing there as naked as the day was long! LOL!  I allowed her the dignity of getting dressed before I entered.  I ran in and demanded,”She’s coming with me ladies!”  One grabbed Elizabeth, and the other came at me with a large rusty razor blade.  I easily overpowered her while Elizabeth elbow jabbed the other in the ribs.  We both hightailed it out of there, and headed for the hills as the women screamed we were escaping.

Rob wasn’t having it so easy as he was being literally hosed off in a horse stall in a rickety old barn.  The three men standing there were laughing as the man with the hose yelled,”Come on spread those legs!  You need to be clean for your wedding night!”  Shelly Ann strolled in just then, and gazed upon Rob with lust in her deranged eyes as he covered up with his hands.  Shelly then said,”Oh don’t be shy sweetheart!  We’re going have so many nights of love together.  I know it’s supposed to be bad luck to see the bride before the wedding but I just couldn’t bear to stay away from you honey! I just got a new blade so I’ll be shaving my beard soon.  I do declare I look absolutely divine with just a mustache! Don’t you think boys?”  The men all giggled, and nodded.  The bearded woman turned around to leave but she fell to the hay lined barn floor because Elizabeth punched her in the face. I grabbed the hose from one of the guys, and began rapidly wrapping it around each one while simultaneously punching, and kicking them.  They lie knotted up on the ground rather quickly.  Elizabeth tied Shelly up, and gagged her because she kept screaming.  Rob got dressed, and said,”Am I glad to see you guys!”  As I had been skulking around I estimated there were well over a 100 residents in this so called town! We all made our way to the mine as quickly as possible hiding from terrifying townsfolk along the way!

Ghastly Ghost TownSeth was placed on the altar of The Shawn Adams ready for beheading by axe courtesy of the giant Jeb.  Ashley, and Drake lie next in line.  All appeared to be dead but they weren’t.  Seth’s bullet wounds were rapidly healing. Ashley’s far less quickly due to her zombie half not getting the human flesh it needed because she refuses to partake of such cannibalistic acts! Fortunately she could most likely still function being riddled with bullets. Drake a vampire fast asleep without a care in the world was about to meet his demonic maker!  Jeb stood menacing over the sleeping Seth as he raised his axe with sinister glee, and let out a guttural roar, while exclaiming,”This one’s for you my Holy Lord & Saviour The Shawn Adams!”

To Be Continued…..Now of course since I’m telling you what happened I’m the only one you know survived this ordeal for sure! At least I got back in time to celebrate Memorial Day! LOL!

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