The Scare & Scurry North Pole Battle

Continued From The Scare & Scurry Scottish Sanctuary…The Following Events Took Place In October Of 2014…

The McTavish International Academy Of Magical Sciences was in ruins on the Scottish countryside as the battle between magic and an unknown technology came to a close! Everyone was seriously down for the count including the most powerful magician on Earth Ian McTavish. All stopped by either energy beams or the odd warping of space that amazingly overwhelmed all things supernatural! This included most of the Mystic Investigations team! The man in the futuristic-looking exoskeleton shot through walls and flew up to the third floor of one of the few intact building on the magic school campus. There the Demi-Mermaid Witch Rebecca Abernathy and Telekinetic Psychic Julia Hathaway sat with the terrified Elmer and Gertrude Carpmeister. The geriatric couple that was the target of the exoskeleton of evil! Rebecca then screamed, “Mystic Sphere!” Her pink translucent metaphysical energy bubble formed around her and she brought the couple and Julia within as well. She then commanded, “sursum volant!” and the sphere crashed through the roof and flew high in the dark starry skies above! The horrifying exoskeleton followed in hot pursuit! Rebecca attempted to elude him but he was gaining fast. In a last ditch attempt to lose him she flew into outer space toward the moon where she had been in 2011 after an alien attack. Thankfully she had drunk a powerful potion just before the flight! Unfortunately, the vacuum of space didn’t deter him.  Naturally, both the Carpmeister’s were passed out from the sheer stress of everything!

Unexpectedly the exoskeleton man’s voice came into the Mystic Sphere as if by magic. He screamed, “Hey witch bitch I want my old farts back now!” Rebecca replied, “Go screw yourself, you big baby! Ever thought of getting a woman instead of spending decades harassing a married couple like a lonely jealous loser?” He roared back angrily amid intermittent laughter,” HA HA jealous? Screw you! You’re all going to die!” His exoskeleton shot red, green, and blue energy blasts causing the pink sphere to flicker. Rebecca’s nose began to bleed as she attempted to hold its magic in place while heading back into Earth’s atmosphere. She prayed forth to any and all Gods and Goddesses that would heed her call! Magic began to flow into her from all manner of nature deities from around the world who sensed something was seriously wrong and not of this Earth. However all the sudden it was cut off. Exoskeleton boy chuckled and said, “Yeah your pathetic Gods aren’t a match for me! I’m the most powerful son of a bitch who ever lived!” Julia interjected, “Wow! So much power and this is all you have to do with your life? Why not take over the whole planet? Why just harass an old couple? You are beyond bizarre and pathetic to the max!” He screamed back without thinking, “Damn time co….Ah, the hell with you bitch!” Julia took his words and linked it to his mental weakness to get one clear psychic thought from him. He was a time traveler from the extremely distant future and he had to be careful not to alert time cops of his presence here. Clearly, he was worried by what he’d already done at the magic school and how it might alert temporal authorities. The momentary chink in his armor closed and no more visions could be had!

The Battle Of North Pole City

Rebecca couldn’t believe this filthy fiend had the power to block Gods! She made the decision to head toward North Pole City to the most powerful man on Earth the Demi-Angel Santa Claus! Something Mystic Investigations didn’t originally do because we didn’t want to bring havoc to such a place of holy peace. However, no options were left now! She and Julia tried to send Santa a psychic warning message but Exo boy was blocking it! The Christmas Star was overhead as giant glimmering glacial walls came into view in the middle of a huge flat plane of never-ending snow and ice! Rebecca flew down right over the huge Christmas tree in the center of the cobblestone streets of the downtown area. Elves looked up startled as the exoskeleton roared overhead about to catch Rebecca and her passengers. Just down the hill from Claus Manor, she was shot from the skies by energy beams. Everyone hit the ground without any injury due to the Angelic protection spell over Saint Nicholas’s holy city.

The Exo-man landed and laughed loudly, “Oh yeah bitch! It’s over! Turn over my Carpy’s!” Rebecca tried to recite an incantation and shoot a force lightning-like beam at him but she was tapped out of paranormal power! Julia tried to use her telekinesis to launch him away but it simply didn’t work. He shot a green blast at the two women but it seemed to be absorbed mid-air by the North Pole protection spell. Exoskeleton boy seemed frustrated as he muttered, “Crap this in one powerful protection spell. I need more power!” Julia caught another psychic flash and learned his name. She yelled, “Why little Timmy Carpmeister you must be related to this beautiful couple? Why on Earth are you doing this to them?” He yelled back, “Mind your own business! Oh, wait it doesn’t matter because you’re about to die dumb ass!” He shot multiple beams that finally hit both women as the Carpmeisters lie in the shimmering snow still unconscious. Some Elves ran up and demanded he halt his evil intent. He snickered, “Back off you little shrimps!” He shot the Elves and they were knocked out cold!” He was overcoming the protection spell!

Suddenly the scariest echoing voice ever heard roared, “Enough of this mindless violence! How dare you invade my haven of peace!” Timmy replied, “Screw you Santa! I know all about your BS!” He shot several energy beams at Santa as he strained to block them with his hands. Santa exclaimed, “Oh sweet Jesus what in the Jack Frost is this?” Timmy began uncontrollable over the top cackling you’d expect from a mental patient while he screamed, “Die Santa! Die!” He was clearly losing it as the angelic Claus fell to the ground unable to deflect or absorb the insane amounts of energy! Jack Frost teleported in back of Timmy and attacked him but he was literally launched into outer space! At that point, the Sorcerer McTavish, professors, and several students came out of a blazing orange portal from Scotland. The final Battle Of North Pole City had begun!

Santa regained his composure and joined the fray with McTavish and his allies! Timmy shot never-ending energy fire and started up his space warping thing again. Santa attempted to counter it as Rebecca awoke and dragged the Carpmeisters and Julia to safety. Again this crazy exoskeleton was overwhelming our Earths top supernatural beings! Santa began praying to the Archangels of Heaven but his thoughts were inexplicably blocked! Santa then tried to direct the Spirit Of Christmas at Timmy’s heart to figure out what the hell his problem was. What he saw was astounding!

Timmy was Elmer and Gertrude Carpmeisters first born child! They had him out of wedlock when they were teens. Their parents forced them to give Timmy up for adoption. However, on the way to the orphanage, he was abducted by aliens who tortured and brainwashed him to adulthood! Eventually, they took him to the year 2991 with a master plan to have him infiltrate Earths government with the intent to invade and conquer. The plan failed and Timmy was arrested but he managed to escape and steal a high tech exoskeleton that could travel through time. Long before the 30th century, the world of the supernatural had been revealed to the general public. Soon magic and technology were melded into one. The suits paranormal power was beyond all magic known to the 21st century! Timmy blamed his parents for the living hell he suffered throughout his lost childhood. All he cared about was making their entire lives a living hell as well. He thought about preventing his own alien abduction but he was too full of hate and revenge. In addition, time cops and the aliens themselves would probably have reversed the effort!

A More Powerful Magical Technology Enters The Fray

The supernatural team of McTavish and Saint Nicholas were about to meet their magical makers! Timmy kept laughing maniacally and screaming, “Oh yeah I’m going to be the magnificent bastard who killed Santa Claus! Ho ho ho crappy Christmas! And you suck McTavish! You goofy piece of crap!” Everyone was becoming frozen in the space warp while being violently hit by energy beams. Santa reached out psychically and implored Timmy to accept the Christmas Spirit into his very soul. All Santa got back was a shrill scream that gave him a super headache! Santa thought to himself, “This can’t be how it ends? After centuries of building forth the serene magic of Christmas amid overcoming the forces of darkness!” All hope was lost until a flash of white light manifested a woman wearing what looked like a black and teal superhero suit complete with cape.

The woman held her hand forth and halted the Exoskeletons attacks! She declared, “Timmy Carpmeister I am Time Cop Chelle Carpmeister from the year 3242! You are under arrest for crimes against humanity and the illegal altering of the timeline!  Exit your exoskeleton and submit to extradition back to the future!” Timmy was shocked as his exoskeleton was powered down and he was unable to turn it back on. He yelled, “Hey what the hell is this crap! How did you do this?” Chelle replied, “I’m wearing a far more advanced version of your suit! Here let me help you out of yours!” She ripped opened his suit as he began crying like a baby, “This isn’t fair! Noooooooooo!”

Elmer and Gertrude awoke and witnessed the spectacle. Chelle walked over to them with Timmy in glowing gold handcuffs. She then explained to them that Timmy was the son they gave away so long ago. She told them the bizarre tale that resulted in his rise to time travel power. After what they’d already witnessed on this beyond surreal day they believed it. They started to console Timmy and apologize but he lashed out and shouted, “I don’t need your crap excuses! I was never your kid! So help me God I will still find a way to make every day a horror!” Chelle smiled and turned to Timmy while sternly saying, “Actually you’ll get the help you seriously need and end up having a happy life after serving some time in jail! Oh and by the way I’m your daughter. You sent me back to end this madness!” Timmy quickly countered, “Bull!” Chelle chuckled and turned to the Carpmeisters while saying, “It’s nice to finally meet my grandparents!” She hugged them and said the rehabilitated Timmy who sent her to the past would visit them at some point to resolve all the bad blood. Unfortunately, the timeline had been so polluted that nothing could be reversed without unraveling a whole host of other things Timmy had affected. This includes the decades of hell the Carpmeister’s endured at the hands of Timmy!

She bid her grandparents farewell and walked over to Santa and McTavish. Chelle whispered, “My grandparents could really use the Spirit Of Christmas to bring them some much-deserved peace.” Santa nodded and said, “Of Course I vow they will spend the rest of their days in my sainted city without a care in the world. Their horrifying past will fade away into oblivion as if it never happened.” The Sorcerer McTavish said, “Any chance you can leave that exoskeleton behind for us to inspect?” Chelle replied, “Unfortunately no my good sir! Good luck to both of you!” Santa then told Timmy, “I forgive you, my son! Accept the Spirit Of Christmas into your heart to begin your road to peaceful healing.” Timmy was about to say something snotty but he started to feel an odd foreign warmth in his heart. He remained silent as Chelle picked up the exoskeleton in one hand as if it was a bag of feathers and held firmly on to Timmy in the other while they vanished in a flash of bright light to the 33rd century!

Santa spoke with Elmer and Gertrude about living at North Pole City as a reward for their lifelong hardships. They heartily agreed and then they said goodbye to Rebecca and Julia. The two women conferred with Santa and McTavish about the disturbing revelation that technology would someday trump magic! McTavish then got a determined look on his face as he declared, “Now we know what shall come to pass! We can prepare for it! Am I the only one who got the impression those suits are used to suppress magical individuals in the future?” Santa replied, “I did Ian! I think my Elves and I along with your fabulous alumni can come up with a solution!” Everyone smiled and nodded as the non-North pole gang stepped into the orange glowing portal and returned to the magic school in Scotland to begin the rebuilding process. In fact, it was completed just in time for the Halloween celebrations!

Elmer and Gertrude Carpmeister now live perpetually at Santa’s winter wonderland where nobody ever dies. As long as they never leave they are immortal. Their rehabilitated son Timmy visited them from the future and all was forgiven. This included a direct blessing from Saint Nicholas complete with penance. Timmy continues to return every so often along with his daughter Chelle. Mystic Investigations sees the Carpmeisters as well every year when they visit North Pole City at Christmas. Ah yes another fine happy ending for all!

 

The Haunted Lighthouse

In celebration of National Lighthouse Day on August 7th, I decided to take my employees on a field trip to Woodland Springs, Colorado’s only lighthouse on Luminary Lake. The paranormal lake is full of supernatural life and is known to suddenly develop huge waves and thick mysterious fog. In the early days of our town a lot of people went missing in the lake so they built the lighthouse. However, it’s rumored a Curse was placed upon it by a local dark witch after a lighthouse keeper thwarted her effort to sacrifice several local kids to the demon she worshiped. The curse came into play once the lighthouse keeper was eradicated by her malevolent minions. Thankfully a Witch Slayer came to town and took her out as well with extreme prejudice!

Unfortunately, all lighthouse keepers after that died of mysterious causes and then proceeded to haunt the place. Various attempts to exorcise them into the afterlife failed as it seems the curse traps their souls there for all eternity! Mystic Investigations attempted to do so a number of times but the curse is mega powerful! In general, Curses placed by magical practitioner are incredibly hard to break! The lighthouse closed some years ago with the advent of cell phones, GPS tracking, and meticulous patrol of the lake by the local Sheriffs department as they have training in the supernatural world. We’re friends with the Sheriff Blake Maverick so he let us into the lighthouse that still mysteriously lights up at night even though nobody is there!

Many of our employees are simply office support staff and don’t really believe in the world of the paranormal. Even when some have witnessed some perplexing things they dismiss it as something else because their sub-conscious mind won’t let them entertain the terror of our real world! This is the way it is for a lot of people and many of our employees think the paranormal investigations is just a marketing thing to get customers for standard investigations. So quite a few employees were giggling and making joking ghostly noises to mask their underlying fear that the place really was haunted.

Certainly, they weren’t taking our Psychic Julia Hathaway seriously when she said there were several ghosts present. She could even feel the dark specter of the wicked witch amid the curse. Something not felt this strong on our previous research visits. Julia and our Ghost Hunter Rob Edmunds suspected the witch had recently been released from hell on a mission to create a powerful poltergeist from the lost human souls in the lighthouse along with the dark energy of the curse. This was probably not technically turning the curse into an entity all its own so there would be no Heavenly intervention as stated in the Supernatural Secrecy Pact.

There was an element of real danger here as opposed to the simple harmless ghosts we expected to find. However, as it was broad daylight and not between the Witching and Devil’s hours we felt the employees would be relatively safe. As we walked into various rooms the temperature dropped as an unholy howling echoed through the air. It got so cold that we could see our breath! A sickening stink of sulfur wafted about amid lights flickering. We decided it was time to leave as everyone was shivering along with one employee puking due to the wretched stinks!

All the exits were inexplicably sealed shut. The Sheriff was still with us and he drew his gun to blast out the largest window but the bullet bounced off. Thankfully he ordered everyone in another room so it simply embedded in a wooden wall rather than accidentally striking someone. He tried a few more time with no results. Our resident vampire Drake Alexander was the strongest among us and he attempted to punch the window with brute 5th generation vampire strength. The glass actually cracked but instantly repaired itself while a sinister cackling came from nowhere and everywhere all at once. Some of the employees were crying while another screamed,”What is going on here?!”

Things didn’t get any better as several horrifying specters flew about us making menacing gestures. One employee was huddled in a corner whispering,”It’s all holograms and special effects. They’re just trying to scare us! It’s not real!” Rebecca Abernathy our resident witch let loose her natural born witchcraft power of the Mystic Sphere. A translucent pink metaphysical energy bubble that extends around her like a super shield. The employees not in the true supernatural know looked on in amazement while she tried crashing it through the window and walls! The window shattered but then rebuilt itself in an instant!

Suddenly the sunny day outside turned pitch black while the lights went out. Thank God Rebecca’s Mystic Sphere kept a pink light glowing! Most of the employees were in a panic trying to find a way out as I attempted to calm everyone down. I told them it was a high tech Halloween haunted house with some malfunctions that we’re trying to work out. Sheriff Maverick nervously nodded in agreement. Rebecca said we were looking right into five-dimensional hyper-space as the entire lighthouse phased between Universes under immense paranormal power! Julia said she felt the birth of a powerful Poltergeist! Apparently, the fear of so many people in the lighthouse was the final catalyst needed for the poltergeist to form. It was a terrifying entity made up of lost souls forcibly wrapped in evil energies under the mental control of a dead wicked witch! We needed to get out of the lighthouse before we all died!

We had the Sheriff keep watch on the civilians with his flashlight in hand as the rest of our team headed up the steps to the beacon of the lighthouse itself. As we got closer it was glowing an eerie crimson color. Julia, Rebecca, and Drake could feel the strong unholy presence in the lightroom. Suddenly the ice cold air turned seriously hot as the entity stopped sucking thermal energy and instead was bursting it forth in defiance. Rebecca powered forth her Mystic Sphere to absorb the heat. She expanded it to encapsulate the entire room in an attempt to capture the poltergeist. She recited a powerful witchcraft spell that included utilizing Drakes unique vampire blood. Ghostbuster Rob began setting up quantum disruption devices around the lighthouse. It causes supernatural unsettling at the level of reality where energy meets matter. This is where otherworldly entities interact with our world. This disruption would force all aspects of the poltergeist into the lightroom.

The poltergeist began shooting objects at us but Drake and Zack Powers our bionic boy wonder caught them all at super speed! The witch who was the brains of the blasphemous beast screamed obscenities at us and promised our long agonized death at her hands! The entire lighthouse began to shake as Rob set off the disruption devices and Rebecca bellowed forth serious incantations. We were holding on to things as it seemed like a violent earthquake was taking place. People were ducking down because objects not bolted down were flying all over the place. Flashes of light began bursting outside the windows in the pitch black darkness. We could see glimmers of the physical world returning as a sickening looking specter became trapped in Rebecca’s supernatural sphere. It took a hideous female form and angrily yelled,”Damn you all to hell!” Rebecca replied,”No you’re going to hell old hag!”

Rebecca began compressing the sphere into a smaller form forcing the metaphysical energy out of the poltergeist. It was almost like juicing the entity as if it was a fruit! As the sphere disappeared we could hear the witch scream,”Noooooooooooo!” She was separated from the now destroyed poltergeist and destined for hell or at the least the Underworld. All the lighthouse ghosts were freed from their forced damnation at the hands of the wicked witch. A few of the ghosts were able to overcome the Curse and finally crossed over into the light that leads Heaven. This was due to them surfing the released metaphysical energy from the poltergeist-like a wave to freedom on Heaven’s sandy shores. Only Drake, Rebecca, and Julia actually saw or felt it take place. Unfortunately, the curse could not be broken! We will continue to figure out how to break it so the lost souls within can finally find peace!

All the chaos stopped and we could see the sunny shores of Luminary Lake outside the window again. The doors opened and everyone ran out to breath a sigh of relief and inhale the fresh summer air. A few of the employees who were non-believers finally accepted the world of the supernatural was real but couldn’t handle it. The rest refused to accept this was real and their sub-conscious conflict traumatized them. Drake, Rebecca, and Julia worked to hypnotize everyone to remember a duller version that was explained as a Halloween haunted house experiment. Hopefully, they wouldn’t have too many nightmares in the following weeks.

The Sheriff locked up the lighthouse but not before Rebecca placed a powerful protection spell upon it ensuring nobody would utilize it for malevolent means! I gave the employees the rest of the day off while us Executives kept working onward in the quest to eradicate supernatural evil from the world! No more field trips on National Light House Day ever again! Lesson Learned!

By Xavier Remington, Mystic Investigations President

#NationalLighthouseDay

National Roller Coaster Day Adventure

Xavier Remington, Mystic Investigations President Here! The employees have been trying to get me to acknowledge National Roller Coaster Day since I have a thing for most holidays including the extremely minor ones. I finally caved in and decided to take everyone to the amusement park for an extended lunch. However, they had to ride the scariest Roller Coaster the minute they got there without barfing or they’d have to return to work. Some declined to go at all due to not liking such rides. A few took up an offer from our Executive Vice-President Drake Alexander who is a vampire. He promised to compel or hypnotize them into not being afraid anymore. A few took him up on the offer. He would be staying behind due to sunlight issues that make him burst into unholy flames.

Lunchtime At The Amusement Park

Once at the park we had four barfers and one Super Puker! Back they went to the office while the rest of us made the most of the amusement park. The Super Puker was a pompous guy bragging about how he loved roller coasters and could ride anyone without issue. Naturally, Senior Vice-President, Demi-Mermaid, and resident witch Rebecca Abernathy magically sped up the ride by 3 times causing him to spew chunks and hold his head down in embarrassing shame. She made sure he was the only employee to be on the coaster. Of course, that didn’t help the other park goers who were with him on it! LOL!

I did some bragging of my own as I promised to win the fair Rebecca a gargantuan stuffed dolphin doll by hitting the bell at the top of the High Striker. A classic test of strength created by hitting a pad at the bottom of a tall column with a huge mallet in order to force a small puck to the bell. I was aware that most of these prize-winning contests are rigged and I couldn’t ask Rebecca to use her magic for personal gain. So I mustered up all my strength to hit the pad squarely on center for the best chance of winning. I had three tries. The first attempt was a test to gauge the device. It got over half way up. The next try almost reached the top. On the third try, I made the bell ring after screaming out a personal motivational quote….”By The Power Of Grayskull!” There was awkward silence for a moment before the crowd gathered around started laughing and clapping as I presented the dolphin to Rebecca.

The Disgruntled Demi-Sasquatch

As I soaked up the adulation our telekinetic psychic Julia Hathaway sensed some tension nearby. A little girl had a scowl on her face as she exclaimed,”Daddy that was supposed to be my dolphin!” Next to her was a huge muscular man that was at least 7 feet tall with excessive body hair! He angrily muttered,”Oh it will be yours, baby! That son of a bitch won’t get away with stealing your precious dolphin!” Rebecca and I walked to the fresh lemonade stand when Julia screamed,”Look out!” The man took a swing at me but missed. The little girl forcibly ripped the dolphin doll out of Rebecca’s arms and ran away into the crowd. She ran after her while a little Elf wearing a Hawaiian shirt, red shorts, and sunglasses whispered into a green Christmas tree walkie talkie saying,”We got a Naughty Lister Santa.” A voice on the other end acknowledged,”10-4″

I dealt with the rage-filled giant. Julia yelled again,”Be careful Xavier he’s a Sasquatch-Human hybrid!” The man turned toward her puzzled she’d even know that. Of course, I took that opportunity to leap into the air and belt him in the face! He roared in anger while I gripped my hand in pain. His jaw was like iron! He began swinging at me wildly with a crazed look in his Bigfoot eyes! He bellowed,”That was my baby’s dolphin you bastard!” Clearly, he was drunk or deranged! I utilized my Kung Fu and Ninjitsu skills to the fullest but this nut seemed invincible! Thankfully I was far quicker than this giant oaf and was able to evade his blasphemous blows! A crowd quickly gathered around the spectacle. Julia attempted to use her telekinetic powers against him but as a Demi-Sasquatch he had a fair amount of immunity against various powers and all magic as well. Bionic boy wonder Zack Powers and his bionic girlfriend Summer Eden ran up to take him on. I took that opportunity to order a refreshing ice cold lemonade as I got a much-deserved rest on a park bench to watch the show. The dynamic cyborg duo actually caused some pain in the hairy horror. He stumbled a bit throughout their attack but he finally tossed both of them into the bumper boat pool nearby!

Meanwhile, Rebecca raced past the thieving child at super mermaid speed and stopped right in front of her. The child of not more than seven years old was startled before displaying a sinister scowl and screamed,”It’s my dolphin bitch!” She punched Rebecca in the gut along with a swift kick to her leg with little result. The force of the punch and kick indicated the child was at least 1/4 Bigfoot. Rebecca sternly told the girl,”That’s my dolphin fair and square! Your daddy needs to teach you not to steal things from other people!” The girl replied,”My daddy says we can take anything we want from this world! The Sasquatch are the rightful heirs!” Suddenly the dolphin flew out of her hands into Julia’s via telekinesis. Rebecca then picked up the struggling girl to return her to her crazy daddy.

I finished my refreshing lemonade just as Bigfoot boy came at me again. He broke the park bench in two as I leaped away from it! So it was round two with this guy on this hot sunny day. We went at it for a minute until he stopped as he saw Rebecca holding his daughter. He yelled,”Hey put her down!” Rebecca did and she ran to her dad and said,”Daddy beat them all up and give me my dolphin!” The man looked around dazed as he saw everyone in the stunned crowd holding out their smartphone cameras. At that point, a Bigfoot roar came from the woods nearby. The man looked scared as the girl exclaimed,”It’s grandpa! He’s angry! We have to go now!” The girl had a temper tantrum and screamed,”My dolphin daddy!” He picked her up and ran into the woods in a flash. I’d imagine the Sasquatch people didn’t want such exposure. Especially over such doll based idiocy! The little Elf mentioned previously held up a device that made an odd whining noise. At some point, everyone found out their video footage of the fight was distorted beyond recognition. The Elf was simply enforcing the Supernatural Secrecy Pact.

Rebecca and I got some ice cream before leaving with her dolphin doll. Thankfully nobody was hurt except for the park bench. It will be a National Roller Coaster Day we’ll never forget! Hopefully, we never hear from the Demi-Bigfoot and his dolphin obsessed daughter ever again! If so then we should introduce him to another fellow Human-Sasquatch Hybrid we know. Mr. Altec who is the bouncer at our local supernatural hangout known as Club 13.

Get Your Own Giant Dolphin Doll!