Summer Eden: The Bionic Beauty

Bionic Summer EdenMystic Investigations bionic boy wonder Zack Powers had been bummed near the end of his Summer vacation because his girlfriend Brittany Contessa moved to Denver, Colorado due to her Mother’s new job.  Although it was possible it might be temporary, and she could return in less than a year. The first day of school after Labor Day at Woodland Springs High was a bit less exciting this year without her presence but he still had his friends.  Things finally looked up for him a few weeks ago in gym class where he spotted an alluring girl he’d never seen before. He was mesmerized by her beguiling beauty, or maybe it was the midriff revealing tank top, and short shorts she was wearing on that warm autumn afternoon.  She was a slender girl with just the right amount of curves. She had long blond hair, and unique green eyes that almost seemed to glimmer in the sunlight. Zack asked a few people who she was, and a guy said her name was Summer Eden.  Summer had just moved here days ago from Maryland.

It was quite a breezy Fall day causing iridescent leaves to flutter from the trees nearby as the class stood around the track field listening to the pot bellied gym teacher.  Zack realized that Summer was staring at him every time he looked away from staring at her. Finally their eyes met, and her warm smile melted his heart.  At that moment some little kids from the nearby elementary school came running across a nearby tall grassy field screaming in terror. The gym teacher turned around, and said,”What the hell!  A midget wearing a pointy red hat is chasing those kids!”  That little man was in fact a child eating Gnome!  Everyone started to run toward them while the little Gnome could be heard cackling maniacally.  Zack, and Summer bolted ahead of the class like super track stars.  Zack was known to be a fast runner so it didn’t look out of the ordinary to flex his bionic legs in a moderate manner.  Zack was a bit taken back when Summer raced even ahead of him.  He pushed a bit more to keep up with her as she turned to smile at him.  The kids, and Gnome disappeared into he woods.  At that point a kid could be heard desperately pleading “Help me!”  Once inside the tree line out of the view of the rest of the class Summer flashed down the trail at phenomenal speed, and Zack followed suit pushing his cybernetic power to the limit.  Summer got to the kids first as they were barely holding off the Gnome with fallen tree branches lying around the ground. The diabolical Gnomes razor sharp teeth snapped amid his menacing snickering, and guttural non-nonsensical gibberish. Gnomes eat kids because it unfortunately keeps their immortal lives going.

Zack got there in time to witness Summer pick-up the Crazed Gnomelittle bastard, and toss him over the treeline out of sight. He made an odd sound as he was launched in the air.  It sounded like,”Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”  If that Gnome had been even a baseball then that throw would have left the field, crossed the street, and then some!  So tossing a 30 pound Gnome that far was nothing short of supernatural! The rest of the class arrived at that point with the out of shape gym teacher huffing, and puffing behind everyone else.  He pulled out a Snickers bar from his pocket, and leaned against a tree while muttering,”I’m getting too old for this crap!”  Summer looked at Zack, and put her finger to her lips while seductively smiling to indicate silence was warranted. Zack told the gym teacher that the “midget” had gotten away, and he appeared to be drunk as a skunk.  The teacher added,”Damn midget was probably hopped up on PCP as well!” The teacher then took the crying kids back to their school as everyone headed back to the track.  Summer, and Zack lagged behind to talk privately.  Zack took her hand, and said,”What are you?”  She then replied,”I was about to ask the same thing?  I don’t know anyone who has ever been able to keep up with me?”  Zack looked into her green eyes using his microscopic bionic vision while she instinctively did the same thing looking into his. She witnessed a multitude of tiny cellular repairing nanobots roaming about Zack’s right eye along with the general electronic nature of it.  Zack could clearly see both of Summer’s eyes were highly advanced pieces of optical enchantments. They both simultaneously exclaimed,”You’re bionic!”, and giggled.  Summer was surprised, and said,”I thought I was the only one! And my God you actually have nanobots!?!”  Zack replied,”Yeah they repair my bionics, and cellular tissue.  I can’t believe I’m finally meeting another cyborg!  Where did you get your bionics from?”  She responded,”It’s a long story. Maybe we can talk at lunch?”  Zack smiled, and said,”Sure thing Summer.”  There was a natural attraction between them that grew for the rest of the class.  They joked at the end of gym about having to dumb down their abilities to hide their true identities from the world.

At lunch they sat under a tree outside amid fallen amber leaves on the grass. Summer told her story.  Her Father worked for a US oil company in the Middle East, and she was the victim of a suicide bombing.  All her limbs, and various body parts were torn to shreds.  She was virtually nothing but a brain hooked up to a computer when some men from a private clandestine organization asked if they could experiment on her.  Summer’s father knew she would die soon, and there was nothing to loose.  A month later she woke up in bed with all her limbs fully intact as if nothing had happened.  She was a Cyborg with superhuman strength, speed, agility, and enhanced senses.  All she had to do in return was go on a secret mission every so often where a teen was required, or would never be suspected by the mission targets.  Her missions seemed to be ones a top secret government agent would partake of but she swore the organization with no name didn’t ally with any particular government.  Naturally Zack was worried about the US governments Paranormal Defense Agency finding out about him because they had a nasty habit of kidnapping supernatural beings to exploit their paranormal powers.  Summer assured Zack his secret was safe just as she expected him to keep her bionic secret.  She also revealed she had complete knowledge of the real supernatural world.  That’s why the Gnome wasn’t a surprise for her.

Zack had fully intended to not even tell us, the good folks down at Mystic Investigations, Swamy-Monsterabout Summer until we inadvertently discovered her cyborg abilities.  Days ago we all cut out of work early to attend the Autumn Harvest Halloween Festival since Mystic Investigations had specifically sponsored that days festivities.  At this point we knew Summer as Zack’s new girlfriend.  They were on a bumper boat together in the large Pandora Pond amid other bumper boaters, ducks, and geese.  Suddenly a monstrous looking green reptile humanoid entity covered in slimy weeds popped out of the water roaring wildly.  It was a nine foot tall heavy set swamp monster who must have swam into the pond from a small connecting stream.  The stream connected to a river that eventually leads to a swamp on the edge of the Mystical Forest.  Kids, and adults alike began screaming with some of them panicking to the point of falling out of their bumper boats.  The swamp monster neared a mother, and four year old child holding each other in terror within the murky waters.

Summer & Zack dove into the pond to stop this horrendous beast.  They tackled the monster but he shook them off.  They jumped on him again forcing him under the surface where they let loose a barrage of super fast, and brutal bionic punches.  Although not as potent due to the water slowing things down they still hurt the angry green monster. When I heard the screaming I was jealously watching my girlfriend Rebecca Abernathy manning the Kissing Booth.  As a supernatural Demi-Mermaid she could kiss anyone without worry of catching any disease.  Clearly the booth was making a killing since guys were willing to pay thrice the normal rate to kiss her.  We both bolted toward the pond at the first sound of trouble!  When we arrived Zack, and Summer were being launched several feet out of the water. Both hit the ground violently yet instantly jumped to their feet.  The swamp monster emerged from the water heading toward them growling madly.  Rebecca tackled the beast, and began punching him in the face.  She got thrown off into the pond, and I gave him a taste of my taser with very little results. Upon closer inspection of the monster I saw his eyes glowing, and he had vampire like fangs as well.  This indicated some silly vampire had nearly drained the monster of blood, and then introduced his vampire blood into the behemoth.  This was a rare vampire swamp monster who was unfortunately not hurt by the sunlight!

I immediately took out my flask of holy water to splash it but the searing sounds, and steams like that of water hitting a red hot pan were very minimal.  It only angered him more as the cyborg duo lay into the monster again.  Rebecca joined the fray as well.  It was rather obvious Summer was some manner of supernatural. I then yelled,”He’s a vampire!  Zack let him drink your blood!”  I knew from past experience that Zack’s nanobot laced blood was vile to vampires, and perhaps it would weaken the monster.  Zack allowed the creature to bite into him, and the monster screamed out in agony. The paranormal trio held the beast as he struggled to re-entered the water.  Our Cryptozoologist Dr. Ashley Abercrombie came running up with a large tranquilizer rifle, and said,”Fire in the hole!”  Rebecca had been in front of him, and she moved to the side as Ashley launched a large tranq dart at the vampire swamp monster.  It didn’t work so she shot two more into him before he finally hit the ground.  Hunter Jackson & Rob Edmunds pulled up in the Mystic Van, and we loaded the 800 pound monster in back. I reassured the crowd it was apart of a live action show, and everyone’s fear turned to reluctant glee before clapping erupted amid cheers.

Back at Mystic Investigations headquarters, with the monster safely caged in the Cryptid Lab, Summer told us her amazing bionic story.  Some of us were suspicious of Summer.  Especially since she worked for some unknown organization that partook of black ops missions.  There’s also the astronomical coincidence she happens to end up crossing paths with another bionic teen!  Julia Hathaway, our resident Psychic, attempted to read Summers mind but something is blocking her.  This is also very worrying. Summer also refused to let Dr. Abercrombie examine her bionics.  She said she had signed a contract with the clandestine organization that stated she couldn’t share her bionic technology with anyone. We investigated her back story as far as we could, and it seems to check out to an extent. There are however some minor inconsistencies. We talked to Summer’s father, and he was more than annoyed by the fact we knew about his daughter.  He said it was in our best interests to keep quiet about her because the people both he, and Summer now work for are very powerful! We told Zack something isn’t right here but he refuses to listen to reason.  All we can do is be pleasant, and hope this really is just a wonderful coincidence for him.  In the meantime Summer has volunteered to work for us, and help out Zack on any supernatural cases he’s apart of.  We agreed since it allows us to keep a better eye on her!

The Anti-Claus Cometh

I was heading home from the office when I got an emergency call on my CB radio, which all Mystic employees have in their personal cars.  We at Mystic Investigations are on call 24-7 because supernatural evil never sleeps.  A frantic woman reported a gnome in her cellar.  She had called 911 first but the police laughed at her, and told her not to call again or she’d be in deep trouble.   I was thinking that maybe it was a scared Elf since this is the time of year for Santa’s Enchanted Elves to roam about spreading good cheer in the spirit of Christmas.  It’s unusual for gnomes to be active in December.  I was the closest one to her house so I answered the call.  I pulled up to Mrs.Jenkins residence at about 6:00 PM, and she ran out of the house screaming “Gnome!  Gnome!”  I got out of my car, and tried to calm the woman down but she was quite hysterical.  The Gnome apparently bolted up the steps, and entered her kitchen.  I finally got her to sit on the porch as I entered the house.

I shined my flashlight about into every dark corner as I flipped every light on I could since Gnomes loath bright light.  Gnomes are ferocious little 2 foot tall creatures who thrive off of eating children which energizes them, and extends their lives by 13 years.  They use magical means to render the kids unconscious thanks to their mystical pointy red hats.  This is needed since so many kids are bigger than them. Unfortunately they are one of the few evil supernatural beings that are not poisoned by the innocence of children.  Since Christmas revolves around this innocence, and focuses good magic, it’s very unusual for a Gnome to be anywhere except in hiding.  Especially with Santa’s Elves out in full force.  A Gnome would be no match for an Enchanted Elf.  Also a Gnome can’t enter a home due to global curse similar to the one keeping vampires out of private residences.  Although they can get inside if they hide in a bag or a box that gets taken indoors.

All the sudden I hear a screeching maniacal laugh come from behind me as I spin around, and see a red hat whiz past me.  I now knew it was indeed a Gnome, and ran into the living room after it.  They move ultra fast, and he had already disappeared even though I entered two seconds after him.  I cautiously surveyed the room, and began looking under, and behind all the furniture.  I was careful to make sure he didn’t get past me and out of the room.  I couldn’t seem to find him until I looked up at the ceiling fan, and his hellish snarling tiny face plummeted down toward mine as he let out an insane chuckle.

I caught him before he landed on me but he squirmed around like crazy, and was attempting to bite me while he growled madly. Although it sounded like a deranged poodle.  I finally flung him against a wall, and pulled out my holy water squirt gun blessed by Father Tom Davis.  I shot it at the little monstrous menace, and he screamed in agony as plumes of smoke rose from his body. He then shot toward me, and threw some sort of sparkling dust in my face which blinded me.  I then felt an excruciatingly painful bite on my leg, and I fell to the ground.

The menacing midget climbed on my chest, and looked down at me with utter hatred as he muttered,”You better be bad, and never swell.  Or the Anti-Claus will take you straight to hell!”  He started up his snide deranged high pitched laughter so I clocked him in the jaw knocking him out cold.  I unfolded a heavy duty bag from my coat pocket which was enchanted by our resident witch Rebecca Abernathy.  I put the little bastard inside, and carried him out the door.  I told Mrs.Jenkins that the house was clean, and informed her to place blessed lawn or garden Gnome statues around her house as deterrents.  I also told her to search bags, or boxes she brings into the house so nothing’s hiding inside.

I threw the bag in the trunk, and pulled away as I contemplated how this Gnome apparently was an agent of the Anti-Claus, Santa’s evil twin demonic brother.  It was known that the Dark Claus indeed did employ Gnomes as his Elves.  I called Rebecca on my cell phone to tell her I was bitten so she could whip up a magical remedy.  She then called our Cryptozoologist Ashley Abercrombie, and they were both heading down to the Mystic Investigation offices.   I began feeling a bit woozy as I drove down Forest View Lane toward the office when a beautiful woman with long raven hair wearing a black robe, and a pointy black witches hat suddenly appeared in the center of the road in front of me.  She shot lightening bolts out her hands causing my left front tire to blow out.  I swerved out of control into a ditch, and my air bag deployed.  I open the door quickly, and sprang out in the dark woods dimly lit by a street lamp.

She was walking toward me with a look of evil determination on her rather attractive face.  She then yelled,”You have my Gnome mortal!”  I then said,”Seriously a black pointy hat 2011?  1888 telegraphed, and they want their hat back!”  We both laughed simultaneously, and then she shot some electrical bolts from her hands toward me but I leaped behind the car.  I popped up on the other side, and shot her with the holy water gun.  It caused smoke to rise from her but it didn’t really hurt her as she said,”Seriously holy water?”  I then replied,”I was trying to be nice but maybe you’ll like this better bitch!”  I then pulled out my real gun, and shot several rounds of silver bullets at her but she waved her hand with each shot and it was deflected.  I then tossed the gun, and round house kicked her in the face but she shook it off, and chuckled in a sadistic manner.  She then round house kicked me, and I went flying against the back window of my car causing it to shatter.

I quickly slid off, and continued to dodge her magical attacks as I ran into the dark woods.  She chose not to pursue me, and instead opened my car trunk without a key, and took out the bag with the Gnome in it. However it’s magical protective properties literally shocked her, and she abruptly dropped it to the ground.  Then she screamed into the woods,”Get the hell over here, and open this bag or you’re done for you bastard!”  I called Rebecca but the line was busy so I instead called up Drake Alexander, our resident vampire, for help.  He lives nearby at his manor in the Mystical Forest, and the minute I told him what was going on he said he was already halfway there thanks to his super speed sprinting.

The wicked witch walked into the woods screaming for me as she shot random electrokinetic bolts causing trees, and brush to light on fire.  I pulled out a small herbal satchel Rebecca had given me.  It contained Sempervivum, and Cicerbita Sow Thistle which are known herbal witch repellents.  I then skulked about the woods making my way near her.  I jumped out from behind some bushes and threw the bag of herbs at her.  An explosive burst of neon blue light blew from her as she was thrown at least 20 feet against a tree where she lied slumped against it.  I was blown back into the bushes but got up quickly, and walked toward her.

She actually looked rather peaceful, and even a bit silly lying there with her dark cone hat crooked.  That was until she sprang up at light speed without warning, and grabbed me by the neck with a look of deep malice in her hazel eyes which now glowed green as the blazing fires roared around us.  She angrily exclaimed,”Your little herbs are no match for the power I wield thanks to my Dark Lord, The Anti-Claus, and my fellow sisters of darkness in the Claus Coven.”  She confirmed she was a member of the infamous Anti-Claus Coven, and then I knew I was in deep doody.  The Anti-Claus coven is one of the most powerful groups of witches on Earth.

I was choking from lack of air under her magically induced strength when a hand pulled hers from my neck.  It was Drake Alexander growling like a lion with fangs exposed, and eyes glowing red with anger.  She then laughed,”A vampire!  Things just got fun!”  He then struggled with her as electrical sparks shot from her hands making contact with Drake.  However it didn’t effect him since vampires can’t be electrocuted.  He then bit into her neck, and drank of her magical blood causing her to scream in terror.  She quickly kneed him in the balls, and threw him 20 feet into a tree causing it split in half as she yelled,”Timber!”

I came up behind her, and got her in a choke hold as I held another herbal satchel over her mouth, and nose.  She was gagging, screaming, and staggering about the woods wildly as I held on tight riding her about like a pack mule.  Her strength was amazing considering she was only about 5’7″, and rather petite.  It must have looked odd for such a small woman to be lugging around a 6′ 2″ man weighing 215 pounds. She then began gripping my hand with extreme painful pressure causing me to loose my grip, and fall to the ground.  I look over and see Drake standing there as he yells,”Hey witch here’s a taste of your own medicine!”  She looks over at him, and says,”What the…..”  Drake immediately shoots electrokinetic bolts from his hands causing the witch to cut through a tree while he bellows,”Timber!”

I had forgotten that vampires can temporarily obtain a witches power by drinking their blood.  Drake seemed to be enjoyed it as he smiled with glee, and whizzed past me in a blur toward the witch.  Instead of grabbing her he pointed his hand at her, and she began levitating off the ground.  I walked up behind him, and informed him that she’s working for the Anti-Claus.  Drake then demanded to know what nefarious plot the Dark Santa had in store for humankind, and what role our fair community of Woodland Springs played in their plans.  She refused to talk until Drake lowered her in front of him, and he began using his vampire hypnosis on her.  She fought it but eventually she was open to suggestion.

Drake asked her what she knew, and she began talking.  However a hoard of at least 50 Gnomes suddenly scurried from the woods screeching forth their sinister laugh of evil.  We were surrounded by 2 foot tall micro monsters wearing tall pointy red hats as the wicked witch broke free of Drake’s trance and screeched,”Tear them limb from limb my little pretties!”  Drake punched her in the face, and she appeared to be knocked out as he began attacking the Gnome herd.  They launched themselves into the air, and were hanging all over Drake as he shot lightening bolts from his hand shocking several of them.  I began punching, and kicking all the ones who came at me.  Unfortunately every other one managed to bite me as I became more, and more dizzy from their poison.  The Gnomes attacking Drake weren’t biting him because a vampires blood is deadly to them.  While we waged war in the woods a dark figure emerged from the forested shadows on the other side of the road, and walked to my automobile trunk.  The white bearded man in black took the bag with the gnome in it, and stared at me with sinister glowing sanguine eyes before disappearing back into the woods.  Could it be the Anti-Claus?

By Xavier Remington

To Be Continued…


Werewolf Warfare

WerewolfyMany of us at Mystic Investigations took half the day off to sleep so we could be out tonight ready to engage werewolves if they should spring forth upon us in ferocious feeding frenzy!  If you’ve checked out our Paranormal Activity Forecast Blog then you know that there is a werewolf watch in effect due to the full moon and the fact that it’s the 13 days of Halloween.  A time when usually supernatural activity increases by at least two fold.  A werewolf watch means that conditions are favorable for the appearance of werewolves.  As with any contact werewolves have with humans it can be quite dangerous as they are carnivorous and have a craving for human meat.  If we had issued a Werewolf Warning then that would mean a werewolf had actually been spotted in the general vicinity and we’d advice taking cover indoors.

Generally a werewolf won’t burst into your home unless provoked so you should be safe inside.  If you live near a forested area I’d advice closing the blinds, curtains, shades, and turning the lights off.  Just grab your silver bullet loaded gun and go to sleep with it.  Or if firearms aren’t your thing then a squirt gun loaded with holy water mixed with wolfsbane, and colloidal silver will repel but not kill a Werewolf.  Wearing silver will help as well along with having a silver dagger on your night stand. Hanging silver ornaments, and wolfsbane by windows, and doors should work as a repellent for the hairy hell hounds of the night.  The only guaranteed protection for your home is to hire a professional witch to put a protection spell on it.  Our resident witch Rebecca Abernathy could definitely help you out with that if it’s something that keeps you awake at night.

If you spot a werewolf I’d seriously advice standing still and not making eye contact.  If you run it will chase you and it will catch you because they run at a minimum of 66 mph.  Their strength is comparable with two large polar bear and their razor sharp teeth will tear you a new one.  Even if you survive, the Lycanthropy virus laden saliva entering the wound will re-sequence your DNA and turn you into a werewolf during the next full moon.  If you’re not into guns then I advise carrying a silver dagger or letter opener with you at all times when venturing out on full moon nights.  As always wearing something silver like a holy cross along with a sprig of Wolfsbane will go a long way into insuring your nocturnal survival.  Please be aware that the moon only needs to be 80% full for an infected human to transform into a werewolf.

Right now I’m writing this on my laptop in the Mystic Investigations RV as I peer out the windows into Woodland Springs infamous Mystical Forest which is always teaming with paranormal activity.  Since there’s a neighborhood of many homes here we feel this is a place a werewolf might venture as he or she tracks the scent of human flesh.  Also a Werewolf could be transforming in a home as we speak.  Their instinct is to then run for the forest and hunt any prey that catches their eye.  Unfortunately a human usually catches their yellow glowing eyes before they reach the forest.  WOW!  I just heard a loud howl that sounded Lycanthropic in nature as opposed to a simple wolf.  The other members of our werewolf hunting party agree with me as our hearts pump with excitement, and anticipation at the danger of dealing with one of paranormal natures most ferocious beasts.

Here with me is our resident witch Rebecca Abernathy and Receptionist Carrie Benjamin ready to man the communications system if me and Rebecca have to leave. The RV is our Mobile Werewolf Command Center.  Patrolling about the town is the two person team of Supernatural Technologist and bionic boy wonder Zachariah Powers and Ex-Navy Seal Hunter Jackson our resident soldier.  Another team consists of Psychic Julia Hathaway(also has telekinesis) and Ghost Buster Robert Edmunds.  The third team includes Vampire Drake Alexander and Cryptozoologist Ashley AbercrombieFather Tom Davis is keeping a lookout from the Holy Church Of Light bell tower.

We just heard another howl again coming from Evergreens in the distance. This time much louder.  Oh crap!  Blood curdling scream!  Okay we’re leaving now.  Carrie will be in command.  We just called in our nearest team to back us up.  Drake & Ashley.  As me and Rebecca run through the dark shadows of the moonlit forest we hear the werewolf growling nearby as a woman screams for help.  We get to her and she’s in tears and tells us a werewolf just dragged her husband into the bushes over there.  The bushes shake wildly as growls can be heard.  We hear nothing from the man and assume the worst.  Instead of shooting silver bullets into the bush Rebecca utilizes witchcraft to shoot a few purple electrical lightening bursts into the thick brush.  The woman looks on in disbelief as the angry snarling werewolf springs out of the foliage like a blur at top speed from a side angle surprising Rebecca.  I lift my rifle and shoot off two rounds of silver bullets into it’s chest and it collapses two feet from us.  Rebecca immediately runs into the bushes with a flashlight and finds the man bleeding profusely but still alive.  “Call 911!” She screams.

I called 911 but I knew they’d never get to the forest in time.  Drake and Ashley showed up just then.   The woman knelt beside her husband as he choked on his blood and passed out.  She begged for someone to save him and Drake knelt beside the man and cut his wrist with a Swiss Army Knife.  He then allowed his blood to flow into the mans mouth.  The woman then said,”OMG what the hell are you doing!”  We had to hold her back because she had no idea that Drake was a vampire and his ingested blood would cause some healing and stabilize the man temporarily.  Drakes cut healed within 30 seconds and he picked the man up and ran him to the hospital. Since vampires can run faster than a cheetah, which is a minimum of 84 mph, so he should get there within minutes.  Rebecca recited an incantation and the werewolf corpse disintegrated.  Had we left it there it would have reverted to human form at dawn and then the local police would be performing a murder investigation on the corpse.  This is just one of the many hazards of werewolf hunting since they are in essence still human by day.

We took the woman back to the RV and explained to her that she just stumbled into the world of the supernatural.  Now her life will never be the same again.  After several minutes of her being hysterical she finally calmed down and accepted her new reality.  Of course Rebecca had to slap her a few times but she forgave us.  We decided to drive her to the hospital to be with her husband and along the way Father Tom called to inform us he had spotted a werewolf lurking near the local Pizza Hut digging through the dumpster for meat scraps most likely.  We immediately raced up and spotted the hairy beast.  Our headlights startled him as he glared at us intensely and let out a hellish growl.  We hopped out as the woman started crying,”What the hell is going on here!?!  Why is this happening?!?  This is madness!”  I guess maybe our little talk didn’t calm her down after all.

The werewolf immediately ran toward us until I started shooting him with a specially designed high powered squirt gun loaded with a mix of Father Tom’s patented Holy Water, Wolfsbane, and traces of silver.  The liquid concoction pelted his unholy fur causing white smoky vapors to rise forth as he howled in pain.  The Lycanthrope then he turned tail and headed down the alley behind the Pizza Hut at super speed.  Me and Rebecca chased him to the end of the alley and then he leaped two stories on to the roof of the local Jewelers to avoid the loud bright traffic on Main Street.  I began digging in my backpack for a grappling hook gun but Rebecca grabbed me and yelled,”Mystic Sphere!”  The pink sphere of magical energy enveloped us and then she exclaimed,”consurgo navi!”  We floated slowly to the roof.  Once there we began running and jumping from roof top to roof top as we saw the silhouette of the werewolf against the full moon ahead of us.  From the corner of my eye I noticed movement and it was Hunter Jackson with his machine gun drawn.  The werewolf veered off toward him and then Hunter let off several rounds into the hairy horror.  We walked up and he said,”This bastard is toast!”

All three of us floated off the roof in the Mystic Sphere as Zack Powers came running up.  All the sudden a gang of 5 punks comes up behind us with guns drawn.  One of them says,”Give us your money!”  Hunter turns around to reveal his machine gun and says,”Are you fools crazy or something!”  They were startled by his giant military grade gun but refused to lay down their weapons.  Rebecca then yells,”mico desumo!” and pink electrical energy comes from her hands and knocks all the foolish punks out.  I then say,”Wow what a bunch of morons! Lets tie them up and place an anonymous call to the police.”  We did that and jogged back to the RV.  The pizza smelled so good at Pizza Hut so we stopped in and ordered a large hand tossed sausage, and pepperoni with bread sticks to take with us in the RV.  As always top notch service, and the best damn pizza in the business.  And no they aren’t paying us to say that.  It’s just damn true! Back in the Mystic RV we found the woman cowering in a corner and we took her to the hospital to be with her werewolf bitten husband.

We had forgotten about Ashley and wondered where she was.  We had assumed she was right behind me and Rebecca.  While at the hospital we tried to contact her but she wasn’t picking up on the walkie talkie nor on her cell phone.  Drake walked up from the morgue and was concerned.  I then asked,”What were you doing in the morgue Drake?”  He then replies,”It’s a shame to see good blood go to waste.”  I had thought the husband died but it was just good old Drake tanking up on blood so he could have maximum strength for the Werewolf battles to come.  Drake then ran off on the trail of Ashley’s scent with his super smelling and we sped off in the RV after getting a call from Rob Edmunds and Julia Hathaway that they were trapped in a haunted house with two werewolves fighting to get in.

Meanwhile Drake was nearing Ashley who was being held hostage by a gang of young vampires held up in a back alley underground apartment downtown. They were sadistically discussing who would partake of her blood first.  Two held her down as she looked up at them without any fear on her face.  One then asked,’Why aren’t you screaming?”  She then replied,”Doesn’t that get kind of old?”  He then said,”No I love it when they scream.”  Everyone started laughing as Ashley exclaimed,”Enjoy my blood!”  He then bit into her neck and drank of her blood.  Within seconds he pulled away with a look of terror on his face as he falls to floor holding his stomach in agony.  The vampire screamed,”Zombie blood!”  Ashley is in fact a rare unheard of half-zombie, and zombie blood is poison to vampires.  Ashley begins laughing as all the vampires look on in shock not comprehending how a perfectly normal human could have zombie blood coursing through her veins.

A female vampire then grabs a sword, and bellows,”You won’t be laughing when your head’s rolling across the room!”  Just then Drake kicks the door in and four of the vampires simultaneously pounce on him.  His superior strength ,due to being over 700 years old, along with his centuries of martial arts skills made the kicking of their asses easy.  One by one he staked them in the heart with his trusty silver dagger and they burst into flames with nothing left behind but ashes and smoke.  The female vampire with the sword begins swinging it at him while Ashley stakes the vampire who drank her blood.  Drake grabs the sword blade on one of the swings to the lady vampires shock.  He then breaks the sword in half, and swats the vampire across the room.  She slams into the wall, and Ashley stakes her into oblivion.  Drake and Ashley immediately run out of the apartment and head for the haunted house.

The abandoned haunted house located near the industrial park was full of turmoil as objects flung about wildly while shrill screams, and foul sulphuric smells swirled about.  All while the two werewolves pounded and clawed outside the walls of the house.  Rob and Julia hunkered down and they waited for reinforcements to arrive.  The home seemed to be infested with multiple poltergeists who refused to communicate with our resident psychic Julia who also used her telekinesis to deflect debris flying about.  Robs ghost hunting equipment had been destroyed after being smashed against the wall and there wasn’t much he could do except train his silver bullet loaded gun at the nearest boarded up window.

We pull up in the Mystic RV and I ram right into one of the werewolves.  Hunter leaps out ready to put the hairy horror down but I stop him and launch a Werewolf grenade at him instead.  This is a new invention created by myself, Ashley, And Zack.  It blasts forth a potent dose of special Papal blessed holy water, Wolfsbane from Transylvania, and special silver crystals.  It’s a prototype, and extremely expensive to make but I decided this was the perfect opportunity to test it out.  The paranormal bomb blasted against the Werewolf’s hairy chest, and unholy smoke rose from his body, and he writhed on the ground in pain.  We then shoot the super wolf with multiple Werewolf Tranqs causing it to knock out.

The second werewolf had broken into the house at the moment I threw the grenade causing the poltergeists to become further antagonized.  The entire house glows and shakes in a menacing manner as Rebecca blasts open the barricaded front door with her Wicca powers.  The blood thirsty monster lunges at Rob, and Julia so Rob shoots the werewolf at the same time Hunter shoots it.  It’s down for the count but the house is collapsing around us so we all sprint out.  We seek cover behind the RV as an explosive blinding supernatural light bursts forth.  The house explodes into a million pieces of wood.  Once the light subsides there’s nothing left but a pile of smoking rubble.  Drake runs out of the woods nearby with Ashley in his arms while we drag the Werewolf hit by the grenade into the RV inside a silver plated cage.  Then we all drive down the dark road through the industrial park.

Fine pizza is enjoyed as we remain on alert for more trouble.  I was enjoying a piece in one hand while I drove the RV with the other when all the sudden I was forced to slam on the brakes because a Unicorn bolted across the road.  Everyone spilled their food and drinks.  Drake then yelled,”Awww come on man!  This leather jacket is 83 years old!”  Zack had apparently spilled Mountain Dew all over it.  Then a loud howl could be heard and a furry figure whizzed past my headlights.  I then exclaimed,”If that werewolf ingests Unicorn blood it will be invincible and immortal!”  We all hopped out and ran after it.  Drake raced past all of us at about 80 mph or so.

We could hear growling and snarling behind the cheese factory.  It was Drake and the werewolf grappling with each other.  In the distance I could see the Unicorn staring at the spectacle.  His majestic white coat virtually glowing in the moon light as faint trail of iridescent sparkles could be seen leading up to him.  Since Drake saved it there would be a point in the future when the Unicorn would return to grant one wish.  The werewolf inflicted many wounds on Drake as the epic battle waged but he kept healing within seconds.  We attempted to aim our guns at the werewolf but we didn’t want to hit Drake.  Despite being bitten multiple times, Drake was in no danger of becoming a werewolf as most members of the supernatural community tend to be immune to the viruses that transform DNA.  Finally Drake kicked the hellish hound away from him and I threw a silver Chinese throwing star at it in mid air.  It wasn’t enough to kill it but it collapsed on the ground, and lie motionless.  Drake pulled the star out, and punched the wolf in the face super hard.  He then picked the huge Werewolf up to haul him into the silver lined cage where the other Werewolf was sleeping.

It had been quite a hellish night as we drove across town around Midnight.  While waiting at a red light on the deserted streets we heard a woman scream,”Sweet Mother of God!”  We gunned it through the intersection and into the parking lot of a car dealership where a woman stood on top of a car as a small figure wearing a pointy red hat kept grabbing at her.  The headlights startled the little fella which was a gnome.  Drake immediately ran after it seeing another opportunity to collect the rare gnome blood which allowed vampires to go out in the sun for limited periods of time.  It’s highly unusual for Gnomes to be out at night and out of the woods for that matter but this has been a bad Gnome season.  The woman asked what the hell that thing was and we took the easy way out informing her it was a drunken midget who just came from a Halloween costume party.

Drake returned disappointed that the little bastard got away.  We only hope it doesn’t run into any kids since they will eat them to prolong their short lives.  We decided to stop in at Tawny’s Old Town Tavern to belt back a few after surviving a night of Werewolf warfare.  Luckily it was a few hours before closing.  After that we headed back to Mystic Investigations headquarters at about 1:15 AM to deposit the two Werewolves into cages on our secret sub-level.  There were no reports of anymore Werewolves, and we called Father Tom to go ahead, and call it a night.  He decided to come over, and join us as we waited for dawn to approach.  Most of us slept on the various couches around the office.

At first light the ladies began preparing breakfast in the fully stocked kitchen as the guys watched the big screen television in the board room.  Zack Powers clearly wouldn’t be going to high school this morning after being up all night but he was a genius so it wasn’t that big a deal.  Some minutes later some of us went to the cages downstairs to find the Werewolves now in human form.  They had found the clothing we left in the cages, and they were fully dressed, and seriously agitated, and scared.  It was a man, and a woman.  The woman was aware of her condition but had some how escaped her chains.  The man on the other hand thought he was being kidnapped, and we had to show him the video from the cage cam to convince him he was in fact a Werewolf.  After speaking with him for several minutes we retired to the board room for a hearty pancake breakfast.  The man, and woman scarfed down almost three times the amount of food even a huge man would eat.  The unrelated couple thanked us for sparing their lives, and requested free asylum at Mystic Investigations during full moon nights.  A pro-bono service we offer in order to help protect our beautiful supernatural community of Woodland Springs, Colorado.  Until the next full moon I, Xavier Remington, bid you farewell!